Do you hear the music?

Good morning,

So I was spending some quality time with the family (LOVE) and my aunts were talking about how you know you are on the right path when you “Hear the music”. You know how in movies there is music to suggest how you should feel. In Jaws everything was cool until you heard “Duna, Duna, Duna, Duna” and you knew that something was about to go down. If you were anything like me, you immediately attached the feeling of fear for those people in that water. My aunts said when you are on the right path things will feel good and will just happen with ease. My aunt J said that when she went to look at a house with my aunt R she heard the music. The feel was just good. My aunt R agreed. Before they went to the house, my aunt R had already driven by the house. She said that she was a little afraid of living alone (my uncle had just passed) and when she went by there were all of these lights around the house. She said that she could see everything…down to the color of the dog in the back yard. There were lights on both sides the front and the back. She felt better knowing that it was so well lit. So, she moves in and she is not able for the life of her to find the switch to turn those lights on. They were no longer there. She ended up adding a few lights but she took it as a sign that the lights she saw before were there because that’s the house she was supposed to be in. I found this so interesting because I’m always thinking about the difference between “feelings” and “A feeling”. In my opinion “Feelings” are the emotions that you feel should be attached to a situation. Like when someone steps on your foot hard, you may attach the feeling of being “angry” or “annoyed” because you feel like that person should have been more careful. The pain that comes from your crushed toes is “a feeling” it’s not something that you can control. You may not want it to hurt but it does. When you are attempting to do something and you get this feeling that something is just not right, that’s “A feeling” but then you attach an emotion to it from your box of “feelings”. I noticed that when I attempted to be more structured in my life it was harder for me to live it. I always had a feeling of being uncomfortable. Things just didn’t sit right with me. Once I let it all go, things just flowed. I was calm and easy feeling. I mean I have goals and things that I want but instead of struggling to make it happen, I just allow it to run its course. I do what I need to do on my end and let the rest flow. When it’s easy, we are encouraged to keep going. When it’s not flowing but we keep pushing someone or something will get hurt. I just smiled thinking about someone I know that was trying to get into a gate. He couldn’t get it to open so his first instinct was to push harder and harder. He stopped pushing not because he couldn’t get it open but he came to the realization that this shouldn’t be hard. It’s a gate. Let me stop and try something different. He took along look at the gate and found out that it was locked and he needed to reach over and unlock it. Now you may be giving him the side eye right now but that’s how life is when you are in your “feelings”. Feeling frustrated he wanted to push harder. Once he relaxed “a feeling” of calm replaced frustration and he figured another way to do it. When we stay calm, a feel for the situation can become clearer. Then you will be able to really assess how you feel about that situation. This morning someone rear-ended me. Just a love tap to the vehicle but my world briefly ended. Now I was in shock. I could have attached anger, sad, hopelessness, or any negative feeling to what had happened. I chose to focus on the feel of the situation. There was no need to be mad. I wanted calm. I was already shook up so adding mad would not have helped. He was calm or at least he seemed that way. We exchanged info and then we went on our way. It went smoothly and I could focus on getting me back to calm. I kept telling myself that I was ok. My feelings were in a state of panic but you can’t believe everything your feelings tell you. The car was fine. I was fine. My hair was a little messed up and I couldn’t find an earring but really is that anything to be upset about? (oh and I found the earring) Even though the situation was not favorable the feel of it was fine. The point of all of this is that we can’t keep attaching fake feelings to situations. We have to be able to get a feel for what is going on and react to that. Life will be so much smoother if we just focus on the feel for the situation and not your personal feelings about situations.

Start today paying attention the music it will always guide you to what’s really going on……….

AND remember tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.

MAKE IT GREAT

E

Let bygones be bygones........

Good morning,

Yesterday I was speaking with someone about “forgiveness”. This seems to be a hard thing for most people to do. I know I’ve struggled with it. I can forgive some people with such ease and others not so much. The discussion we were having brought up the question of how do you forgive someone when you know that they haven’t changed. I thought well there are times that you will have to forgive yourself. You will have to forgive yourself for holding on to something that doesn’t even matter. There will be times that you are angry with someone and to him or her it means nothing. They are not sitting and thinking about how you are upset with them. The mention of your name doesn’t cause any reaction. They are not losing any sleep because you are mad at them.  I will keep saying it, “You can’t change people but you can change yourself”. Sometimes you will have to forgive you for holding on to resentment. Forgive yourself for wasting time and emotion on someone that is not worth it. Do you know that most of the time people hold on to things that are not even relevant. I mean someone said something about you to get someone to think differently about you and in the end, it didn’t work. You are still dating, friends, married, etc to the very person that that heard all of the lies. So, why are you still holding on? Why are you still mad? Their plans didn’t work. You are still in the winner’s circle. Once you forgive and let go you will find that in that process you also forgave the person that hurt you. It will not matter if they haven’t changed. It will not matter if they are still holding on to the negative. You have let go of it all. The thing about forgiveness is that no matter what someone has said or done this is your opportunity to shine. If someone has said something about you then you have to be confident enough to outshine anything they say. We are created for greatness so stop getting in your way by holding on to foolishness. I don’t worry about what people say about me. If I happen to find out it will initially hurt, not so much because of what you said but because it damages our relationship. The consistency of being me will override any untruth someone has said about me. I learned a long time ago that if someone is willing to believe what someone else says about you then they really do not have a relationship with you in the first place. Take this time to forgive the people that have hurt you. I’m not saying be bestie’s with them. I’m saying let go of what they did. They can’t hurt you anymore because you forgave…..You didn’t forget. Be confident to know that no lie can make you when you are already complete.

Forgive yourself for harboring resentment and forgive your haters. They don’t hate you….it’s just misguided admiration.

AND remember a funny thing about forgiveness is that by letting go of something outside ourselves we are able to find peace within ourselves.

MAKE IT GREAT!

E

Raison d'être

Good morning,

It all comes full circle……….

There is a reason that you are going through the things that you are going through. All of the pains and uncomfortable moments happen for a reason. I’m always saying that I had to go through what I went through to get to where I need to be. My journey happened the way it happened because it was designed for me. GOD knows what I can handle. That’s one of the reasons I am not bitter about my life. At the time, it hurt but not as much as I thought it would. It had to happen or you wouldn’t be getting this message. There will be times that your storm will not necessarily be for you. That storm needs to happen so that you will be able to help others later. At the time, you will not understand why it’s happening but you just have to hang in there. In my life studies class we were talking about Joseph and how he was in and out of storms for about 23 years (may have been a little more). It seemed as every time things looked good something bad would happen. He was beat up and thrown into a pit by his brothers. Then they sold him into slavery. As a slave, he worked hard and became an important person to his Master until accused of rape by his Master’s wife. He was thrown in jail for two years until he interpreted a dream for the Pharaoh. The Pharaoh appointed him the highest rank right under him to help save all of Egypt. Now I ask, could Egypt be saved if Joseph didn’t go through those storms? I mean he could have been discourage and given up. It’s hard to stay positive when you have been beat up, thrown into a pit, and jailed. Joseph never gave up because he knew that there was a reason. He wasn’t super positive. He wanted out of his storms. He hurt but he never gave up.  When you give up you are changing the healing for yourself and for others. Because of your experiences, you will be able to console others and encourage them to keep moving forward. In that same time, you are also healing yourself because you were able to help someone else through his or her storm. I am a natural helper. It warms my heart when I can help someone through something. If I can encourage one person to be better or bring happy to just one person it brightens my day. There are people that I do not know or never really talk to that ask me how am I so happy being that the things that I have gone through usually does not leave one in the state of happiness. I understand several things. First, everything happens for a reason. GOD has a plan and I just need to be open to the lessons. I know that with every storm there is still love. The love of my family and friends is like having a raincoat on to protect me. I may get a little wet but a majority of me is covered. I know that every storm will come to an end. I will dry from the rain and be Erica again. There is no need to hold on because once it’s over …… it’s over. There is no need for me to look back. That moment is gone. You continue to build a better you. That person/situation was there for a reason and now it’s time to move on. If something/someone is meant to stay then they will. It’s not something that you will have to fight. If you are not happy at the present time in your life just hold on. Start looking around. There is a reason that you are where you are right now. Take comfort in knowing that it will not always be this way. Depression comes from the thought that every unfavorable situation will always be the way it is at that moment. I thought I would hurt forever when my mom went to live with GOD. I mean I felt relieved that she wasn’t in pain. I felt relieved that she was in GOD’s hands. The part that hurt was that physically I would never be able to hug, kiss, or talk to her again. You know what? My family and friends stepped right in. they didn’t need to be called or asked. They just moved in closer. They helped me heal my heart. Through that experience, I was able to be there for others that lost loved ones. I knew the feelings. I know there is nothing that you can say in the beginning. I know that later you can give words of encouragement. I know that there are things that you should think about instead of the fact that they are no longer with us. I had to have that experience to know these things. I am a helper. That’s why I can write to you about how to find happy. I was created to help, encourage, and be an example. I am not perfect. I make mistakes but it’s through those mistakes that I can be better the next time. I am still learning so that I can continue to be the person that I was created to be. The next time that you are in a situation or unhappy place just keep moving forward. Do not let your thoughts continue towards the negative. You are being prepared and it requires that you stay as positive as you can. You are where you need to be at this time. When it’s time to move you will. Trust me. When GOD wants you to move HE will make it so uncomfortable that you will have no choice. You never know what greatness GOD has in store for you so don’t miss out because you are not able to tell the future.

AND remember that there has to be a dark so that stars can shine bright……

MAKE IT GREAT

E

Flying above your fears!

Good morning,

Last night I was relaxing and a friend of mine sent me an e-mail. The subject was, “Fly above your Fears”. I click the link and it was Tyler Perry expressing how he overcame his fear of flying by showing himself flying a plane. It was cool. The thing that stood out to me was the message that appeared at the bottom of the screen explaining how he overcame his fear. The one line that stood out the most was:

“Seek to understand what you are afraid of and you will find that it never really frightened you.”

We are quick to say that we are afraid of things and not investigating why we are afraid. I am afraid of butterflies. Yes, I said it. When I was small, I learned about this killer butterfly but I am not able to remember the butterfly, the color, or where it lives. So, to me that means that they are all murderers. O_O! I know that’s not right and may seem silly but that’s how I feel. The point is I haven’t even bothered to go and check to see if this butterfly even still exists. I’ve just been a hater. We hate, don’t trust, and will speak ill of the things that we do not understand. We have to take the time to see if the things that we afraid of are worth being afraid of. I know that I am currently working through my fear of writing this book. I know that it is me that’s holding me back. Fear has no desire to help you advance your talents. It has no desire to see you succeed. We have to stand up to our fears and let them know that we are in control. Let’s take the beginning steps toward greatness!

AND remember you are put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, live out your purpose, and to do it fearlessly!

MAKE IT GREAT!

E

Love Under New Management!

Good morning,

Over the years, I have seen relationships end and people close their hearts because of the fear of being hurt. I personally feel like this is the time that you should be filling your heart with the all of the love you can find. When your love tank has been depleted, you should invest in yourself. Place your love under new Management!

You are in charge of your feelings and emotions. When they get out of hand because of someone or something is when we have a problem.

When my emotions were out of control, I did the following:

First, I prayed everyday for happiness and an unbitter heart. I know that GOD, my family, and friends love me unconditionally. Since I already knew love, I knew that situation was not love but that didn't mean that love wasn't still out there for me. That situation was not going to stop any show! I keep the prayer simple. I needed to be in a space to find my happy again. I needed to be happy with just being me. I prayed for an unbitter heart because I didn't want any negativity while I was filling my love tank with self-love. Focus, Focus, Focus.... for every negative thought I replaced it with 2 happy thoughts. I also kept reminding myself that I was unhappy in that situation so it was time for some happy.

Most of you know that I immediately ran to see Nancy! I wanted to work on how to make me better. I needed to find all of the things that I contributed to the situation. I could not sit there and think I was perfect and that nothing was my fault. I had to change some things in me. One of those things that I decided to change was my attitude. I can't lie I was negative. I know that I probably spoke death into that situation. I decided that I was going to be happy all day every day. I started with the mornings. I woke up just happy to get another chance at life. Then I moved to midday happiness. I tried to look at everything in a happy light. If I didn't have something nice to say, I didn't say anything at all. I surrounded myself with people that loved me and wanted to see me happy. I'm so blessed to have the circles that I have because they further let me know that everything was going to be ok even though things looked cloudy at the time.

Over time, it became easier to just be happy. I didn't need a reason. I didn't need to remind myself of why I was working on happy. I deserved it so I went after it and POW it was right there waiting for me. Now my happy outweighs my not so great days. I still have them but I KNOW that it's just a moment. I am human so I will have them but I just look at all my blessings and a smile appears on my face. I placed my love and everything else under new management. I cannot do things the same way anymore. I want different so I have to be different. I can honestly say that since I have changed my attitude so many positive things have happen to me. I know that there is so much more to come so I am able to smile knowing that this is just the beginning.

I share these things with you because I want you to be happy also. I want you to be able to let go of any unnecessary things and put your love under new management. Stop allowing yourself to be hurt. It's not someone else or the situation..... it's YOU. Do your part to attempt to fix your life. Being the victim will not get you to happy. It may get you a little sympathy but it won't move you to Happyville. How does the saying go, "In order to get something you never had, you have to do something you've never done". I have never been this happy. I believe it's because I have never went looking for it......

What are you going to do?

AND remember do not let your past dictate your future. It’s in the past for a reason……

MAKE IT GREAT

E

Go for the Goal, Not the Timeline

Good morning,

I read this and thought “SHARE!”

Once upon a time, I was an ambitious college girl with my life planned out in a neat little schedule of events. I would of course find a good job right out of school. I would have my master’s degree by the time I was 25. I was going to buy a brownstone in Brooklyn by the time I was 27. I was going to earn my Ph.D. by the time I was 30. Somewhere in there, I was going to get married and have some more kids and do it the right way. And then I graduated. And reality took that little schedule, drop-kicked it, put it in a headlock and made it cry for mercy.

As time went on and things on my To-Do in Life List weren’t getting crossed off by deadline, I pushed them back because, hey I was still young. Then my 30^th birthday showed up, all uninvited and what not, and I was so emotional. I got salty whenever someone teased me about it, which meant I spent a good amount of time with my mouth poked out and my butt on my back because between my uncles, cousins, mother, and aunts, I’m surrounded by folks who like to make their fair share of jokey jokes. It wasn’t for vanity reasons. I come from good genes. My mom, my grandmother, everybody aged beautifully, so I wasn’t worried about getting wrinkled and gray before my time. I struggled with being disappointed in myself because I felt like I didn’t have anything to show for 30 years of life.

Depending on what you’re talking about, 30 really isn’t that big of a number. Thirty dollars isn’t an exorbitant amount of money, 30 people at an event isn’t overwhelming and unless they’re holding on for the bathroom or their first meal after a hunger strike, a 30-minute wait wouldn’t hurt anyone. But 30 years is a whole other story. And I felt like a failure because I hadn’t accomplished any of the things I said I was going to accomplish in that time. I felt like I wasn’t where I was supposed to be in life. I needed to define what 30 looked like and I felt behind in my own life timeline.

Factor in the added pressure I put on myself because I’m the first person in my family to go to college. My mom, my grandparents, everyone in my family, really, has worked in a factory of some sort, so I was the golden child, groomed to get an education and use my mind and not my hands to make a living. Every generation should do a little better than the one before it—especially with a college degree—but as far as I could tell, I really wasn’t living any larger than they were when they were the big 3-0. I was waiting to become this Great African-American success story and I wasn’t doing anything spectacular at all.

I think a lot of women struggle with the life timeline. I know it’s a hot topic of discussion among my circle friends, where we thought we’d be at this age and where we actually are. We’re all waiting on marriage and babies. Some of us have advanced degrees, some are in the process of finishing them. Only one of us has a house. But we’re all looking forward to something or another that we thought we’d have by now in order to make our lives complete. We’ve set up expectations of when something should happen, when things should pop off. But, much to our chagrin sometimes, God has his own calendar and his own deadlines, and our lamenting 30 wasn’t rushing him in the least little bit.

Two years after hitting that milestone age, I’m learning to be mindful that my success isn’t going to be mapped out according to years or ages, but when God can best use me. I might not have been ready to be a good wife at 25 and I might’ve wasted my money on a Ph.D. at 28 because I wasn’t mature enough to put it to work. There’s a point when you fight for your goals and there’s a point where you have to ask yourself if you’re fighting too hard for something because it’s just not the right season. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set goals, even possible dates for when you’d like to have them achieved. You just can’t be so rigid about them that you focus on the accomplishment more than the journey that it takes to get there—though I may need someone to remind me of that every now and then. Be determined, but don’t be defined by your age or your own personal deadlines.

You’ve got time.

Read more: http://www.essence.com/2012/02/24/the-write-or-die-chick-go-for-the-goal-not-the-timeline/#ixzz21Y7z4HGc

MAKE IR GREAT!

E

It's all on you..............

Fantastic Friday!!!!!!!!

I hope that you are having an awesome morning.

Are you enjoying your life? I ask because this morning I briefly looked at my twitter and there were sooooo many negative tweets about life.  The more that I thought about it I do not see many tweets about the great things that are happening in people’s lives. I mean do people ever go and look at the view that only shows what they post. That will tell you how a person is really feeling. I am constantly thinking about my life and how I want to live it. I want a life full of love and Happiness. I want to be able to share these feel good moments with you. We do not know what life will bring so we need to enjoy every moment that comes our way. Let’s start today appreciating the life that we have and getting ready for better things to come. Change your current mood to SUPER HAPPY. Be the positive magnet that attracts all good things. Do not dwell on the past. It’s over. If your past is still alive in your present it’s because you are allowing it. Whatever happened, you should deal with it and keep moving forward. Life is as wonderful as you want it to be. Make up your mind. What do you want? Life is not going to wait around. It‘s going to move whether you are onboard or not. No worrying today. Write your worries down, think of a solution, and then let it go. There will be a time that every worry/concern will need action but until then just relax. KNOW that things will be handled. Have Faith. Your worrying will not make it move faster or get it solved any quicker. You will only wear yourself down. Create positives in your life. My happy may not be your happy. Find what works for you and GO GET IT!!!!!!!

Happy is waiting for you…..what are you waiting on?

AND remember happiness is a choice. Your circumstances can affect it, but you’re still the one who decides your happiness

MAKE IT GREAT!

E