Thursday, February 4, 2016

Do you know or do you KNOW?

So when I was little my grandfather bought a video camera when they first came out. The really big one you put on your shoulder. He would tape me and you can hear him talking really loud trying to get it right. “Can you see the red light?” He would record everything. I would always ask, “Paw Paw will you tape me please?” I would entertain him for hours!!!! Other than my one woman show I would also give sermons. Not that we ever went to church but we always believed. The only scripture I would preach was the book of JOB. I don’t know why I was so drawn to it. As I sit here now I see it as foreshadowing. How faithful would I be when times were hard? Would I forsake GOD or would I just hold on and KNOW that it wouldn’t always be this way?


At times it’s sooooooooooooooo hard to endure life’s challenges and still “Keep the Faith”. Job and Joseph endure a lot of hardships. Well liked and living a comfortable life it was all snatched from them and they only had Faith to hold onto. Pushed practically to a perceived breaking point but they still held on. They held on KNOWING that it would not always be this way and they were right. They were giving more than they had before. I looked to these books because they encouraged me to hang in there. I have always said, “Don’t let your lying eyes have you believing what you think see”. I knew that I was grieving and it was going to be a minute before things changed. I just had to continue to push through the hurt.  A lot of people thought I was at my bottom but they don’t understand my Faith.


I know that I am created in GOD’s image so just knowing that I am built strong. We are given the gift of life but that doesn’t mean that it will always be sweet. So like Job and Joseph I endure my seasons of planting, germination, and growth. All along KNOWING that if I keep praying, being grateful for what I do have, and moving forward that my season of harvest would come. I am no preacher but I have Faith and in the end I know I will always be fine. I’m smiling right now just thinking about it. I’m guessing this is my season of harvest because I have something to say and was able to get it down on paper (or word document….lol). I hope that you are able to get something out of this and add it to the happy in your day.


I pray every day that we all stay open to GOD’s word and positivity. Push through the difficulties and submerge ourselves in the victories of life!


AND remember pain makes you stronger. Tears make you brave. Heartbreak makes you wiser. So thank the past for a better future.





Wednesday, November 5, 2014

It's more than a feeling............

Good morning,

I am sitting here thinking about when I was going through my storm I was so sad but I knew that it wouldn’t always be this way. It was hard not to go with what I was feeling. It was so intense that I couldn’t even focus at times. I literally had to set up reminders that it was just a feeling not my life. There is a difference in what you feel and what you know to be true. It’s like when someone steps on your foot. It hurts but you know that you can still use it and that eventually the pain will fade. Life is not a toe but the same theory applies. I knew that my life had not always been this way. I knew that I was in a tough situation but it would eventually clear up. I knew that grief and the grieving process doesn’t last forever. I knew that I was ok and just needed to keep moving forward. I focused as much as I could on what I believed. One day I woke up and I was felt different. The heaviness that I was feeling was not there. I immediately felt happy because I didn’t feel sad. I know that sounds crazy but just the relief of heartache was enough to send me over the moon with happiness. I knew that it would come because I believe in the promise for an abundant life. If you do not believe then you will always be grasping at any solution trying to fix it yourself. Sometimes what you are going through is needed. The old has to be washed away so that the new can flourish. Let go and let it happen. Drown yourself in the love and comfort that GOD has created for you. All you need is a mustard seed size of faith to keep you moving forward and you will eventually come out of your storm. When you do make it to the other side and you are in a better place be a blessing for someone else. Sooooo many people were encouraging me and praying for me during my time of need. Now that I’m in a better place I just want to be that support that I had for someone else. It’s ok to have feelings but you have to remind yourself that it’s just a reaction to the situation(s) that are happening in your life.  IT IS NOT YOUR LIFE. The promise is an abundant life with GOD having your back every step of the way. You have to believe that anything that happens you are built to handle. KNOW that happiness is still there and when the negative fades you will be able to enjoy this gift of life!

I know these things to be true because I’m on the other side. It was a rough road getting here but I’m back and grateful!

We will always have feelings but we cannot allow them to determine our future. BELIEVE that it’s just a moment and keep pushing forward!

AND remember if you can’t move by running it’s ok to move using baby steps.



Monday, October 27, 2014


Good afternoon,

Sooooooooo I was watching Iyanla “Fix my life” yesterday and she said something that I just cannot stop thinking about. She said, “When you are broken it’s like having a crack and the broken people you allow in your life become an infection in that crack. Do you blame the crack or the infection?” Most times we blame the infection. We are quick to talk about how that person our pain. Rarely do we take ownership in the part that we played in this pain. You can’t have an infection if there is no crack. She went on to talk about “Forgiveness” and how when you forgive yourself and others then and only then can you begin to heal. I thought about who I need to forgive. First I focused on me. I forgave myself for the times that I didn’t think highly of myself and felt that I wasn’t enough. I forgave me for not separating myself from unhealthy relationships sooner than later.  I forgave me for not making the greatest decisions because of my baggage. I then moved on to my parents. I had to dig deep for my mother because she is lightweight perfect in my eyes….lol. I forgave her for not believing she was enough and the difficulty she had in believing she was a good parent. Thinking of things to forgive my father for was much easier…. Right now everything with him is still fresh.  I forgave him for not being who I needed him to be when it came to being a father and a friend. I understand that he was just not capable of that type of commitment. Once I realized that we actually were able to have a closer relationship. I forgave him for not showing me the love he had for me which in turn has me always wanting to prove my love and that I’m deserving enough of someone else’s love. I actually have forgiven most of these things already but I have never said it out loud. I take ownership of all the decisions I’ve made and because of that I can let a lot of things go. People cannot do any more than what their past experiences allow. The more you hold on to those negative experiences the more “stuff” you have to carry. Some things that happen to us are not our fault but when we hold on to that “stuff” or we don’t take ownership of our part in the situation we project that negativity on to the next person. In order to have a healthy relationship of any kind we have to forgive and let go. Forgiving is not saying you are cool with what happened it’s saying that it happened, it’s over, and in order to heal you have to let it go. Letting go is a freeing feeling. It allows you to receive any happiness that comes your way. It also keeps you from doing what was done to you. The things that people hate they actually do to others. *yeah go ahead and think about it* How does the saying go “Hurt people, hurt people” all of the things that you are afraid of or can’t stand you mostly have done or are doing to someone else. You can’t expect a different life if you are operating through past hurts that doesn’t exist anymore. Take ownership of your own “stuff”, forgive, and let go…..

Every day you wake up is a gift from GOD….. don’t let your past ruin your present.

AND remember don’t let others’ actions dictate your reactions………..



Friday, October 17, 2014

Be Fearless!

Good afternoon,

Soooooooooooooooooooooo what I feel is another vulnerable post…….

Soon I’m going to be clear…….

I was thinking about how I was holding on to things and it was due to fear. I allowed myself to sit in fear because I didn’t want to be lonely. Well ends up I felt that way anyway because I was trying to build on things that weren’t for me.  I consider myself a pretty strong woman but I’m still human. Other than when I was married I did not have a lot of lonely moments. Maybe because I’m an only child…..I’m not sure. Anywhoo…. I’ve had more than my fair share of lonely moments this year.  GOD didn’t create us to be lonely. GOD gifted us with the power of choice so that we would choose HIM and we would never be lonely. Sounds easy right? Well because we are human the fear of loneliness does creep in. We want certain things but because of past experiences we allow them to hold us back from greatness. Lack of patience is another reason that fear is able to find its way into our lives.  Then on top of that we get a hold of something looks good but it doesn’t really make you happy. Somewhere in our warped minds we decide that it’s better than having nothing. What sense does that make? That’s one of the reasons I admire kids. No baggage. They are free to try anything that feels good to them. We have to understand that loneliness is an emotion and fear elevates it. Then toss in a couple of kicks in the head in a year and you will really freak out. All along you are not doing what you are supposed to be doing….. and that’s trusting GOD. If it’s not for you “it” will let you know. It’s like tight pants….after while it becomes uncomfortable. If you don’t make moves then those pants begin to hurt. Stop hurting yourself trying to keep it. Step out on Faith and trust that GOD has your back. Think about it this way….. we all hold on to things that hurt and hold us back. You have survived but it doesn’t really bring you any joy. Why not let go and try something new? What do you really have to lose? The promise is JOY…… let go.

Wishing you a fearless life….. Let go of pain and let in love…………….

AND remember everything you want is on the other side of fear.



Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The Silver lining

Good afternoon,

Do you really know what “Happy in the midst of it all” really means?

It’s like…… the day that it rains but you see a rainbow in the sky. It’s like looking at the hot sun but the face you make when you squint looks like a smile. It’s is being thankful for life even when you are hurting. That little bit of “Happy” is all you need to keep you going. It’s hope, faith, and trust that it won’t always be this way. Just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. GOD doesn’t expect us to be perfect. When you feel like you are failing HIM….you’re not. As long as you look to HIM and keep moving HE will keep laying down your path. Trust me on this. 2014 has flippin’ sucked but yet I still look forward to better days. With each blow and every tear there is still hope. *smile* October is never really a great month for me. This is the month that my mother moved in with GOD. It’s never easy but I always make it through. I’m very thankful to have a GOD that cares enough to comfort me through my trying times. HE has provided me with great friends and family and when they are not available GOD sends whatever is necessary to aide me in this journey of life. How can I not be happy about that? Life has not always been this way and I know that it won’t stay this way. I have that little piece of “Happy” that keeps me going. I think back to when I was happy every single day. Good Times…… I know that feeling will come again. Does that mean that I won’t ever have a bad day or a day when I have a longing? No. I just means that I have to tap into that little bit of “Happy” and wait for GOD to direct my steps. Whatever has happened I am in the process of releasing because if I want those old days back I have to be free. Hands, heart, and mind open to the blessings with my name on it. Right now I’m totally happy in the midst of it all and it’s a wonderful feeling.

I’m wishing the same for you.

AND remember happiness starts with you.



Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The Smackdown..............

Good afternoon,


There is this story in the bible where GOD gave directions to Moses and Aaron and the Israelites were to follow them. Well they were frustrated because they were promised a wonderful life and it was clearly taking too long for them. They wanted to do it their way and be in charge. Well they kept pressing the issue and making their own plans. GOD got so frustrated with their behavior that HE decided to open up the ground and swallow them. The point of me telling you this is that GOD has a plan for us and if we don’t let go and follow HIS direction GOD will snatch it from you and you will be swallowed up by life. I feel like I have been talking about this subject a lot lately. I guess it’s because I have been letting a lot of things go. I do not want to be in the position where I’m holding on to something that GOD wants me to let go and HE has to make the situation so bad that I have to let go because it hurts so much (although the more I think about it….hmmmm…) I also do not want to stand in HIS way making life much harder for myself. Letting go of it all means that I have to sit in the “Unknown” and wait. No one likes the unknown…. especially having to wait for something that you have no idea about. When the unknown happens we instantly react with some half of a plan. When it doesn’t work we feel frazzled and at times hopeless. Well if we were not so hard headed and just followed we would be in a much better position. Sometimes you just have to be still. Wait on instructions on what to do next. It will be presented to you in a way that you will notice….. that’s if you are focused on GOD. We are not perfect so there will be times that we stray from the path. You just have to get back on track. Let go of the familiar….because it may not be what you need. If it’s really for you then it will come back to you. Let it go and trust GOD. Honestly at this point what do you have to lose? What I have realized is that pain doesn’t last forever. Step out on Faith. You can be hard headed if you want….. it will be just a matter of time before GOD etch a sketch’s your life and you have to start over anyway….


Let go and live free.


And REMEMBER a hard head makes a soft behind…..





Friday, October 3, 2014

Blanket Blues........

Good afternoon,
Soooooo I have been in a state of grief for a hot minute now. It got so intense that I thought, “I need to see someone for some help” I attempted to call a professional few times never being able to get through. *Sign* All along every message that was sent to me was saying, “Hold on, Hang in there, Trust the process”. Apparently I am just supposed to be still and let it happen. It’s a process. I have been told to let go and focus on GOD. The problem was that I didn’t want to let go because the fear of the unknown. Not that the things I was holding onto were positive. Actually holding on was adding to the pain but letting go would leave me vulnerable. I had been trying to work on that focus but the fear and hurt was weighing heavy on my heart. Fear that I was losing and would be without. Hurt from all of the things that had happened this year. Finally I let go of everything and just sat there in my pain. Oh how it hurt. Thankfully GOD has set me up with an awesome team, daily email reminders, and even a Secret Sister to encourage me during this process. All I have to do is let go and focus on HIM. Why is it so hard to do that? That’s all that HE is asking of me. I pray for comfort and I receive it why am I still getting in my own way? Yesterday was one of those “Getting in my own way” type of days. All of the comforts just couldn’t get close enough because I was wrapped in my hurt. This year I have learned that I have to be vulnerable and open if I want to feel and be loved during my storm (and not in a storm)…… lately being vulnerable has me feeling like I’m standing in the middle of I-10 naked during 5:00 rush hour traffic. O_O The crazy thing is that the more I let go (or talk) the less pressure (hurt) I feel. Yesterday I was open and vulnerable and received nothing but love. That was very comforting. This morning I woke up happy and open. I prayed for clarity and guidance. I get to work and all my messages from GOD were to “TRUST HIM”. The first email I read was Proverbs 3:5-6, which btw is my favorite scripture. Don’t go by what you think. Trust GOD and he will guide you. The next thing I read is my second favorite scripture “For We Walk By Faith and Not by Sight”. Again…..don’t go by what you see. Trust HIM. While I’m reading I receive a text that say to be patient. HE always is on time….just not my time. Trust HIM. The last thing I read this morning tells me to be calm and assured. When that happens I will be able to endure the rest of this process. Trust HIM. Now this doesn’t say that I will not have another not so great day it just means that GOD is there and I need to trust HIM. Just hold on…it’s ok. I say all of this to you because I want you to know that we can’t get all tangled up in our feelings to the point where we miss all of the comforts sent to aid us in the process. The journey may be hard at times but we are built for it. There is a promise of a great life but we have to trust GOD. We will have what’s planned for us but we have to be open in order to receive. Grief happens and there is nothing we can do about it. There is a process in place to handle that. Let go of what doesn’t support you. Take comfort in the messages and people that are sent to assist you through the process. Be still, be open, be comforted, and be restored.
Wishing you all the happiness your heart can hold.
AND remember an uncluttered mind is a happy mind. Free yourself.