Good afternoon,
It’s that time again……
Confession time….. CLAWD……Ok here goes….I have been struggling with my feelings. There I said it! As for those of you that really know me I do not care for my “girl” feelings. I love to feel happy, loved, loving, silly, and things of that nature. When it comes to those feelings of uncertainty, lost, confused I just can’t deal. Lately it just seems like things have not been right. I attempted to just chill out and let things run its course but it only seemed to get worse. My sleep, dreams, and appetite were being attacked by these “feelings”. I know me very well so I had a come to Jesus with myself that everything needed to be addressed. I reviewed how it all happened and then with each item I thought it out and wrote down a plan of action. One thing no one (including myself) will do is keep my happy from me. I took the first step and through several forms of communication, I dealt with each situation. CAN I TELL YOU how free I feel right now…. I actually got some sleep last night. There are still some residual feelings left that need to be confronted but the whole point of this is being true to yourself. We are not perfect and will never be BUT we should always be honest with ourselves. It will save you days, months, and years of anguish. I believe the reason most people are not honest with themselves or with others is that they are afraid of being judged. The thing is that if you feel that someone will judge you for something you have done or who you are you actually judged you first. (I’ll wait while that sinks in *crosses arms*) That’s why you scramble to hide who you really are. You are embarrassed about you. O_O We all do it but I am here to tell you that when you admit who you really are it’s sooooo freeing. After I free myself from my own thoughts, I always give myself the side eye because I should have done it earlier. Stand up and be honest. “Hello my name is E and I don’t like being vulnerable, I hate my “girl” feelings, and because I am not vulnerable I can come off as the Ice Queen* Now you know me….sorta…lol. I always wonder if people are aware of themselves but then I think if they were not aware then they wouldn’t have to hide who they are…..They are just not being honest. If you review your performance first and are happy with the way you are living your life then really, that’s all that matters. When you are uncomfortable with you so will everyone else. Free yourself!
And remember the strongest people are the ones that can admit their mistakes and take the steps to become better people.
MAKE IT GREAT!
E
I need to do some DEEP soul searching myself. I find myself repeating the same things. I do know better, but I don't listen.
ReplyDeleteSmh..... That's that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.... :-(
ReplyDeleteI'm seeing a guy now who I know isn't good for me, well he's a cool guy to hang out with but has wild ways. I had no intentions of falling for someone like that. I hate they about myself. I know right from wrong but will still choose wrong. His only good attributes is that he is career oriented and a great father, but his history with women isn't good a all. He looking for outer beauty but doesn't understand why he isn't connecting with anyone. We talk about everything and when he told me that his last lady looks way better than his child's mother somewhat turned me off, but I'm still there, always making myself available when he wants to see me, etc....I want to break this dysfunctional cycle of mine, but don't know how. I feel emotionally drained and I'm tired :( thanks for listening
ReplyDeleteThis may sound crazy but it works. The best way to disrupt this cycle is to separate yourself, add more men, friends, family, and hobbies. You have to decide to stop and tell him that you are stopping. You don’t have to be emotional or upset to do it. Be honest and just say, "I like you but this is not working for me. I want to still be friends but that's all I can be to you right now". You are tired now but it’s not his fault….it’s yours.You can't change people but you can change yourself. He is being who he is and no matter the potential or the areas that he is great in…he probably won’t be great to you. It’s F’d up but from what you are saying he mostly likely will not appreciate who you are on the inside. He has some more growing to do. I’m not saying he is a bad man he is just not ready for what a relationship is really about. In the mean time, you have to be better to you. YOU KNOW he is not good to women but yet you subject yourself to his every whim. I’m sure it was super cool at first….but now…not so much. I swear I feel your pain. I have found myself in a similar position a couple of times and although I didn't want to let it go I had to do it to save myself. We have all done it. Make the decision to remove yourself from the situation. I’m not saying you can’t be friends but you have to stop the physical type things. Stop selling yourself the dream that what you guys have will make him change. He has to do it on his own just like you have to do it on your own. He is not unhappy....you are. You have to make the change for you. Be a real friend to him…..there is nothing wrong with that. Then add all of the other men that have been trying to get your attention. Get jazzed up and go meet some new men. I went to the extreme…I added men and got a dog…LOL! I hope this helps and if you ever want to vent you can hit me up on e-mail. :-)
DeleteI've taken your advice. I've been doing me. Seems like they want to text more when you're doing you. I stood firm and didn't fall for the game. Just wanted to say thank you.
ReplyDeleteGreat! AND don't thank me thank yourself! You made the change. I just made some suggestions but you put yourself out there, listened to a stranger (I don't know who youa re...lol), and then applied it to your life. Woo Hoo! I'm glad that I could be of help. Sometimes it's one of those "why buy the cow when you cna get the milk for free" type of things. It sucks but if you are true to you and take care of you then things will smooth out and you will be in a much better place. :-)
Delete2 snaps and a hug!