Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The places you will go!

A friend sent me a text with some very inspiring words. Thanks DC!

It seems like every couple of days my phone has a new update that it wants me to install. One of the updates always seems to be for Google Maps. At first, I was thinking there must be something wrong with it if it always wants to change something. In certain parts of my life I am a creature of habit so all this wanting to update makes me give them the serious side eye. After much thought I realized that Google maps has to be updated. There are always new streets, neighborhoods, and highways that are being built. If there are no modifications to the programs then it will not be able to give me direction. There is a chance that it will tell me that where I want to go doesn’t exist. Google Maps has to be able to get me where I need to be and for that to happen sometimes changes need to be made.

Life is like Google Maps. Things are placed in your life and you react to them in a certain way. When things are not the way that you think they should be, you may need to update your navigation. Change something about the way you live. Adjust the way you think about things. There are always new ways to accomplish your goals. Do not sit in self-pity about how things are so wrong in your life. You are the writer of your book of life, not me. So, when you are attempting to force something that just won’t work just stop. Step back and update your system. Find a new way. Stop beating yourself up trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

Always update yourself with information about what you are trying to do. Ask other people if they know anything about what you are trying to accomplish. Update your Google Maps. You are useful and wonderful. You are helpful but sometimes you need to be updated. How can you be effective if everything that you put out is inadequate?

Write down your wants and desires. With each thing on your list write down at least 3 things that you think you have to do in order to reach that goal. Then go to the internet, library, or a person that is knowledgeable in that subject to give you more ideas. Then, once you have updated your system take the first step. Do not rush it. Just work through each step and if something stops you then update your system again to find out how to get around that. Before you know it, you have accomplished you goal.

AND be sure that when you do update make it user friendly. I love a beautiful app. When I open an application and it pops with color, my first thought is “This is going to be a good experience”. Now it may turn out that it doesn’t help me but if I heard there was an upgrade I would try it again. A positive attitude will get you a long way. You can update and be the smartest person in the world but if your attitude is not desirable, no one will care what you know.

You are created in the image of greatness so do not let life beat you up. Make yourself better. Be the person that you desire to be. Update your Navigation.

AND remember live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever!

E

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

You can't have it!

I’m feeling so awesome today!!!!!!

I am so happy!  *Sprinkles some happy on you*

I am able to stay happy because when someone attempts to steal my JOY I just take it back! It’s my happy so why would I let them have it? I mean are you just going to give someone your car keys and be like have fun? No! So, why are you giving up your happy? You are leaving yourself with nothing. No wonder you are unhappy. Love you. Be a little selfish. You can’t help others until you help yourself.

Stop letting people control your emotions. When someone brings you their negativity, you should always paste on a smile and say that’s fine. “Don’t let others actions dictate your reaction”. You can sort out your feelings later but in front of them, it’s all good. Write down how you feel about what happened and find a solution. Once the solutions is found focus on the good in your life. Focus on how you are so smart and came up with a plan for that situation.

This is your JOY.

I will tell someone in a min you can’t handle my JOY. Be careful because it requires you to be happy at all times. It requires you to be filled with happy. Sometimes you are so full that you feel you are about to bust. My Joy makes you cry. My Joy makes you want to share. My Joy requires you not to worry. My Joy requires you to always be in search of more Joy! My Joy has many requirements so you may want to think about what you are trying to take.

Now I can give you some Joy but I don’t think you are ready for it all.

What doesn’t break you makes you stronger and you should find Joy in the fact that you can’t be broken!

Take it all back!

And remember it’s yours so stop giving it all away!

MAKE IT GREAT!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Why?

Most of you know that I’m a straight shooter and I say what’s on my mind. Now I do not intend to be harsh with my words but the things I am most passionate about can take on the tone that I’m upset. I’m not upset I just may be frustrated at the time.  We all know that the word “Can’t” is not acceptable to say to me. You can tell me that “You don’t know how” or “You don’t want to do it” and I can deal with that. Today I want to briefly discuss people that have a defeatist attitude. I have come across people that only complain about what they don’t have instead of enjoying what they do have at this moment.

Now don’t get me wrong if you need to vent then by all means go ahead and get it out. The problem I have is that there are people that complain and have made no steps to try something different. They have basically given up and hope that things will change on their own. REALLY? Do you attempt to get a job and the first one you don’t get you stop and hope that an opportunity will magically pop up? You have to keep putting yourself out there. That’s how things pop up.

You have been given this wonderful life. You woke up this morning. You are able to read this e-mail. You are able to think about what I’m saying. Just these few things you should feel blessed. You have been blessed with so many things but because you are not where you want to be in life then your life sucks. My questions is what happens when you get to where you want to be and you are still not happy?

Happy comes from inside. Be happy with yourself and where you are right now. Later when you do receive the things that you desire it will just enhance the happy that you already have.

Life can be SUPER AWESOME but you are the one that has to decides that's what you want. Being sad and negative all the time is not going to get you there. No one will want to be around you and no one will think about YOU when opportunities come up. Make goals and then prepare yourself to reach those goals. Take the stress of what you think you are missing off and appreciate life right now.

Also, stop letting others negativity dictate how happy you will be. It amazes me some of the things that people allow others to say to them. I’m in the business of telling you who I am. If you don’t agree that is your opinion. Their opinion is not the be all and end all. People that question my happy, relationship status, future goals, or job will get the stone face. I know who I am and I’m happy. They can’t live my life for me. They can give me great advice but they have no power to change how I feel about me. I’m lucky I don’t have those toxic people in my life. They also never know what will come out of my mouth so that could be another reason…..LOL!

Life is a constant journey of hurdles and obstacles so why would you add mountains and rivers to it. Don’t make your life harder than it has to be. Be Happy! Know that things will not always be like they are right now. You were not where you were 7 years ago. You have come far. Things will only get better from here if you believe.

Make today the first day of all day happiness.

And remember you are the only one that can keep your life from being everything you want it to be.

MAKE IT GREAT!
E

Monday, November 14, 2011

Invisible for the last time

I was talking with some ladies and one of them was talking about how she gave so much to her ex and how he didn’t do the same in return.  They are not together and she is still talking about it like the situation or the man will change.  Wallowing in the pain of it all. Talking about how he held her back and forbade her to interact with family and friends. It was to the point that you just wanted to shake the sh*t out of her. Shake her until she realizes that she is worth so much more. That she is only blocking her blessings by focusing on him and what he didn’t do.  Focusing on how she is a victim and he didn’t love her. The advice I gave her is what I did. I’m not saying that I’m perfect because I’m still learning about things that I have seem to suppress due to the pain that I experienced in the marriage. There are some things that I haven’t had a chance to address because they are situational. My advice to this young lady were things that I did (and am still doing) that have helped me. The reason that I’m saying all of this is because I’m sure that she is not the only one that is going through something like this.  We are women and sometimes we hold on to the emotional baggage as if it’s a cuddly teddy bear or a favorite blanket. 

Begin with prayer. I can honestly say that I begged everyday and not prayed in the beginning. As time went on I knew that everything was going to be ok. How did I know you ask? God allowed me to wake up every morning and I went on with life. Life only stops when you stop.

Go and seek help. Get it all out of your system. Let them ask you some questions and be very honest. I know that you want to vent to your friends and family but not everyone is equipped to help you.  Learn from what happened and make the changes that will make you a better person.

Be with people that love and care about you as you are.  They will give you examples of what true love really is.  After whatever you have been through these people will continue to love you like they always have.

Stop caring what the haters are thinking about you. Your sanity and well-being is so much more important than what they think. You will be better if that’s what you want.  Ignore them.

Lastly, decide how long that you want to stay invisible. The situation that you were in changed you and now all you can do is talk about how you used to be in that relationship.  Decide that you are going to be you and live for you.  It doesn’t matter what that other person could not see in you.  You need to see it and then and only then will you be able to move on with your life.
Below is a song that helped me better understand that even though I may have been hurting that as long as I kept going I would be ok.



“Invisible”
Jennifer Hudson
    
Seems like I’m not here
It’s like I don’t mean nothing
Like glass unclear
Almost like you can see straight through me
I got questions but no answers
So tired of being confused and I
Don’t wanna stay right here and die
Gotta find my wings and fly

Chorus
I gotta find me another way
Cause I don’t wanna stay another day
Time for a change in my mind
I’v opened my eyes I’m changing my life
And now I’m gonna live my life for me
Cause this aint how it’s supposed to be
No more standing in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time

Why can’t you see me
Do I really even matter
You changed me completely
And I remember how it used to be
I got question what’s the lesson
I’m tired of being confused and I’m
I’m gonna take my chance and fly
I’m taking back my life

Chorus

This can’t be it for me
This can’t be all I’m made for
And all my time wasted in this life
It’s my time to shine
No more feeling insufficient
I’m gonna make my own decisions
It don’t matter what you can or cannot see
I’m doing this for me

Chorus

Can you see me
I know you see me
No more stand in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time

Friday, November 4, 2011

If It Don’t Fit, You Must Acquit!



How do you move on if you can’t forgive? How do you forgive when it still hurts? How do you forgive someone that hurt you so bad? I have heard and thought all of these questions at one time or another. I think I have some of the answers now and of course I want to share them with you. Now I’m no doctor or licensed anything but I do have a little common sense so I just tried to be as realistic as possible about it. It’s all baby steps.

We have all been hurt at some point in our lives and yet we still go on. So, my first thought is “What doesn’t kill you means you are still alive”. This means that you have the ability to move on and that’s a good thing to keep in mind when going through something. If you don’t believe me stop reading and think about all of the unpleasant things that you have already gone through. *Waiting* Now notice how you are able to look back on those things? That means that you made it through all of that. If you looked back and you haven’t gone through anything then you might want to check your pulse. So you have the ability to move on now you have to choose to move on.

How do you begin to move on from something that was so devastatingly painful you may ask? Well for me it started with a prayer…… “Lord please guide me and don’t allow bitterness into my heart” Every morning I would pray this exact statement in my morning prayers because I wanted him to fully understand that this is what I desired. Then every time that I got sad about the situation I asked myself would I want to go back? Not back if things were different. Back to the same situation that I left and of course I said “No”. So, then why are you sad? Now that just makes too much sense but it’s so true. If it wasn’t bad then you would not have removed yourself from the situation.  See I’m not saying that you won’t be sad or mad. I’m saying that you have to be the one to pull yourself out of it because only you can.  You also have to realize that GOD sometimes makes things very uncomfortable for you because you are hesitant to move when he needs you to move. So you move but please believe HE has a plan already in place.

I then decided that I needed to surround myself with positive people and people that love me. I didn’t want to focus on the hurt I wanted to slowly replace it with love (joy) again.  Submerge yourself into things that make you happy. Good feelings make the days go by so much easier. There is no need to dwell on the past because trust me it will always be with you. Wrap yourself in love. There’s this thing called unconditional love. Look at your family, friends, wives, husbands, or children and how they show you unconditional love. How love is really suppose to be. How they love you just they way you are flaws and all.

Finally you have to make the conscious decision to not let that event dictate who you are. You are not a failure because that situation didn’t work out. There are so many elements to every situation that it’s never just you. Your part varies depending on what happened. So stop punishing yourself for something that you never had total control over in the first place. Learn from what happened and how it played out. Make yourself a better person so that you will be better in the next event in your life.  Be glad that you have a choice and don’t have to live your life like that. Who you are is just fine as long as you learn and keep striving to be a better person.

I’m saying all of this to say you can’t hold on to all of that hurt. It just doesn’t fit into what GOD has planned for your future. It weighs you down and makes you unapproachable. Don’t carry someone else’s baggage when you have a set of your own.

If it don’t fit, you must acquit!

E

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Scared of Lonely

I am a Beyonce fan.  I’m sure that most of you already know this.  She has a song on her “I am……Sasha Fierce” album called “Scared of Lonely”.  It is a song about fighting the lonely that is creeping in on her because her man is not with her.  I LOVE this song.  Not because she is feeling lonely and not because she’s missing a man.  I love this song because to me loneliness is something that we have all have to deal with at one time or another.  We are highly emotional beings and loneliness attempts to creep on in with a man, without a man, and when we are by ourselves for long periods of time…..

As the song goes on it builds and she is really fighting the feeling of loneliness.  Which brings me to what I really want to address and that is Self-Esteem.  SELF-ESTEEM is the confidence, appreciation, and respect that one has for oneself.  I know that you some of you are saying “Ok….I know this already” but I think it is something that we misplace from time to time.  We let life and other people creep in and shuffle what we think about ourselves.  Well now it’s time that we get that part straight and the rest will fall into place.  You are a GEM. You are a wonderful person that deserves only the best.  I know (not think) this because GOD made you in His image. Do you think that God just thinks that He is “ok” so He made us just “ok”? NO, silly He created you in HIS image so that you will be able to see how great you are. God doesn’t make mistakes.  He made you the way that you are for a reason.  Once you realize that you are created for greatness you can exude that greatness to others making a better world with better people.

To begin the process of having a high self-esteem for you is to make a list of the things that you don’t like about you and your life.  Then in another column write all of the things that you do like about you and life.  Take ALL of the negative things and give them to God.  All of the negative feelings, fears, and thoughts give them to HIM and let it go.  This process may not be easy but I PROMISE that this works. Then begin to think about all the things that GOD has placed in your life: The talents that HE has given you; the friends and family that love and respect you; the good qualities that draws people to you.  Once you read that STOP what you are doing and say “THANK YOU GOD”.  You have to thank Him because your life doesn’t have to be as good as it is now.  You literally drive yourself insane with things that can be fixed and not focus on the things that are a positive permanent fixture in your life.  You can start small if you feel this is too hard or hard to believe.  When you wake up give thanks.  Waking up is optional.  There is nothing anywhere that states that you have to wake up every day. You wake up because your job on earth is not done.  Once you are up start praying for the things that you are grateful for.  Then smile. Smile to yourself in the mirror.  Heck, flirt with yourself.  Put on something nice.  Enhance what GOD gave you.  Spray on some perfume.  Pretend that you are going somewhere special.  Once your outfit is complete and you have on your shoes…..Do a small dance. Personally, I do a catwalk down the hallway (I actually do this down any hallway not matter where I am…LOL). It’s not hard. I feel like if you can feel “Extra” when you get ready to out and paint the town red then you can do it just to leave your house PERIOD! Pretend that everywhere you go is like a photo shoot or walking the red carpet.

I didn’t always feel this way about life.  I have always been a tad on the conceited side but there was still a negative air about me.  As most of you know I am going through a divorce. That for me was the ultimate hurt because I loved (and still do) my husband.  I know that we cannot go back to what was but, what I did find out is that I don’t have to be unhappy.  I decided at the beginning of the year that I wanted to be happy every day.  I desire to be happy all day, every day, if possible. Now don’t get me wrong there are some days that are a little harder than others but I put on a smile and ask myself “Why are you really sad?” Then I think of something to be happy about and roll with that.  I have even come to the point where I can be friends with my ex.  I know that we were really good friends before we got married and I missed that. So, because that part was still weighing on me I changed that negative into a positive and ask him to be my friend.  I know that some people may not approve but you know what…..whatever is going to get me to where I’m really suppose to be in life then that’s what I’m doing.  Since I asked him to be my friend I can feel that weight lifting.  I know that it will be some time before it’s all lifted but I’m not going to let past hurts dictate my future. I wake up smile get dresses, sing, dance, catwalk, and do things that make me happy. Now if I can find my happiness going through my storm why can’t you wake up with a smile? Turn your negative into a positive.
To help you on your journey take 2 index cards (you can use colored one for a jazzier effect) and on each card write the quotes below:

“Sometimes GOD places you in an unsavory situation in order to get you on the right path”
“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to DANCE in the rain”
Once you have done that tape them to your bathroom mirror, at work, or wherever you spend a lot of time. Read it every day for motivation to start your day off in a positive way or to get back on track.
(Thanks Athena!)
Being positive brings nothing but positive things in return.  Don’t get me wrong people and things in life will try you daily but if you keep your cool and focus on the positive side of life then nothing but happiness will come your way.  I’m mainly writing this because I want to “1” pass on the happiness that I’m feeling and “2” I really want you all to be happy and I know that it is attainable.
Once you get use to the new you (because it takes a min) then you have to no longer fear lonely.

E

If you build it..... It will come!

True happiness should start from within. You should be grooming the type of person that knows all external happiness is just extras. When you build a good foundation of happiness in your heart, the pains of life are not so devastating. It may hurt but you understand that it’s a moment and that it won’t always feel like this. This is where you will have to walk by FAITH and not by sight. You can’t believe that the pain the you see and feel is how it will always be. We get wrapped up in the feeling at that moment that it seems like the pain will never go away. It will but you have to believe it. You have to redirect your actions. You have to move on and plan something else. Get into something else. Spend time doing things that will bring you JOY. They more you submerge yourself in happiness you will begin to feel less pain. You have to move. Life is not going to change without your help. If you put forth the effort things will change. If you don’t believe me just try it? What do you have to lose? Unhappiness? Well you didn’t want that anyway. Right?

Spend the rest of your life saying positive things to yourself. Nobody can uplift you like you can. Spend more time with your loved ones. People that love you no matter what. Their positive vibes will add to the work that you are already putting in. You are so much more than the negative things that occur during a lifetime so there is no time to sit and reflect on negative things that are not worth your time. Be Strong. Smile more. Get that boomerang effect going. Put out positive and get positive things back.

Hope that your day is filled with positive self-encouragement.

AND remember you are in control of your happiness therefore; you have the power to change anything about your life that you want to change. So, what are you waiting for?     

MAKE IT GREAT!

E