Clean your glasses.......

Perception is a mutha………

I have literally been in constant thought all year. Now that may not sound like a big deal but I feel that too much thinking can drive you crazy especially if you are not able to make sense out of anything. Why are these things happening to me? What am I missing? How can I fix it? These are just some of the thoughts that I’ve had this year. It’s like a flushing toilet…..round and round and round.  Although I’m still feeling a little lost it seems that my perception is changing. It finally dawned on me that my anxiety is high because in my mind I’m “losing” and there is nothing I can do about it. I lost another parent. I lost a job. I lost a love. What’s so crazy is that the year is not even over…… So my perception is that from my experiences this year I am going to lose and I need to battle it. Fix it. Make it right. I was listening to a sermon last week and the pastor said, “You’re fighting a battle that is not yours because your past has shaped how you see your present”. This is true because I was in a state of losing or so I thought. Right now even though the past still stings I am looking at things a little differently. Yes, I lost my father but it wasn’t like I was daddy’s little girl. I love him. I always will but we did not have the closest relationship. I tried really hard to build a closer relationship but we were only able to work with what we had at the time. So what did I really lose? It’s the perception of having parents to share my life celebrations. For those that may be a little lost a life celebration (to me) are things like graduations, weddings, babies, success in your career, awards, etc….. Well that is gone. Honestly after my mom passed it was gone. I have never shared a life celebration with my dad. We have spent time together and I have positive memories but no life celebrations. Now as for this job…… they just kicked me to the curb literally a week after I returned from my father’s funeral. It hurt because I was faithful and worked hard. I also have never been fired, let go, or laid off from a job.  Now that I look back what did I lose? I never really had the job. I was a contractor. It was never mine to begin with. I just had hopes that since I had been faithful to them they would be to me. WRONG. Oh well….. Then I lost a love……. Well that was my perception. In actuality I’m still in love. (Yes I said it) It’s just that it’s an unrequited love. (And yes I said that) Sooooo again what did I lose? Oh….I lost the perception that there could be something more. Like I said in the beginning, “Perception is a mutha”. What I have to remind myself is what is for me will be for me and what is not for me will be taken away. It doesn’t mean that it’s a bad thing it just may be that there is something else that has my name on it. I won’t have to fight and battle for it either. I will always do my part but it won’t feel like it’s just me. I have to be able to let go of what’s not mine and that’s the hard part. I believe that if I work at it then it will be for me but that’s that square peg in the round hole way of thinking. Today’s post it note on the computer will say, “You are not losing. You are just making room for the things that belong to you”. Like I have always said, “Life is not easy but it will always be worth living.” I hope that all of you are always able to find the positive in every storm and celebrate this gift called “Life”.

AND remember we can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

MAKE IT GREAT

E