Good
morning,
I’m
sitting here thinking that the other day I had three full conversations about
“For better or for worse”. If you know me then you know after 3 times of
hearing, seeing, or talking about something that gerbil starts running. Even
though I am divorced I still believe in these vows. It was my decision to leave but that was only
after I was told that he didn’t want the responsibility of being married. After
that there was nothing left to work on. The thing about this particular vow is
that both parties have to apply those words to their life. I do my part to love, communicate and
compromise and he has to do the same. Without it then the relationship will
fall apart. With me I always want to communicate so that we are both clear and
on the same page. I’m not mad or coming
for him I just need clarity so that I don’t have those feelings. Not everyone
feels this way and I’m I know that this is one of the main reasons that I’m
divorced. There was no communication when I was married. Now don’t get me wrong
we were friends and could clown around about anything but when it came to
important things I got nothing. If I needed to know something or wanted him to
hear something I had to say we had to go to our counselor to make that happen.
He even told me that there were things that he would never tell me. Who does
that? How can you be with someone who keeps secrets or won’t let you in? Through
all of this I still worked on it because in my mind it was “For better or for
worse” and at that time it was worse. It would get to the better side right?
Well….. it fell apart. Sooooooo……… thinking about these conversations I found
that “Communication” was the common element. There will be rough times in every
relationship but with communication it can help makes things better. No
communication killed my marriage, lack of communication is breaking a marriage
down as we speak, and healthy communication saved a failing marriage. Powerful.
I can say this…..I won’t be in a relationship without communication. I’m super
cool on that. If he gives me nothing then I can’t invest and will fall back.
I’m not looking for the best communicator I desire someone that will put forth
the effort to communicate. The worse thing in a relationship is to assume. We
never assume in the positive if there are no rainbows, glitter, or ESPN chime.
(lol) Might as well be single and alone than in a situation lonely and lost.
I’ve been there, done that, and bought the blank t-shirt…….
I
will always be a cheerleader for a healthy relationship. Everyone wants to be
and feel loved and it takes effective communication to make that happen. So get
to talking.
AND
remember a closed mouth don’t get fed…. Don’t starve yourself.
E
Its funny that you say this because in my marriage there is communication but the lack of understanding and one trying to dominate each other on our opinions is what I think is destroying our marriage. If i say potatoe he say patatoe it came to be Im right nd your wrong no do it this away and it will work we do it then it fails. I would always say we have to be on the same page but that never happen well sometimes it did when it got down to grind time like trying to find ANOTHER home to live in which happens every year twice a year. There is no stability! There is always a spending problem with him. I am a person who likes to take care of bills and home first before anything but listening to him bout how to pay bills put us in a deep black hole that we are still trapped in. Sad but true. We have 4 evictions 1 bankruptcy and a load (tons) of my medical bills (not having insurance) on our credit/my credit so it's going to be hard for either of us to get anything at this point. I have fought and cried this whole marriage. I have been cheated on not just by him but with previous relationships in my life and I wonder all the time whats wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Do I love to hard? Am I showing to much of me and they cant handle the REAL ME? I dont have the answers to none of these questions so I just pray about it and wait for my answer. Not sure how my questions are being answer or maybe I just dont want to see the TRUTH when its brought to my attention so I just try to fix it myself which was a mistake. You know now that I think about it I was shown that it was time to go when he left his phone at home one Sunday and another female called and yes I answered it. My heart fell to my stomach and all I could think and say was not again. I stayed nd till this day he is still doing the same thing hes never gone change he says he loves me but he has a strange way of showing it.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lot for one person...... I am always #TeamMarriage and want the best for everyone but there is a line and you are the only one that can decide where it is. I did not want to leave my marriage. I loved him and thought I could fix it. I decided to change my life (while still married). Started working on me. Once I was a little clearer I saw what GOD was telling me and stepped out on Faith.... and I never hit the bottom. Pray but be open for that answer. It may be what you want and it may not be.... Just be ready to move in whatever direction HE has you going. He won't let you fall. Heck look at you now.... through all of what you sent you are still hanging in there. Just believe and stay open.
ReplyDeleteif I have no choice but to hang in there I have 3 kids and have to look out for I hung in there 17 years its been rough and I just have to draw the line enough was enough so I had to go. don't get me wrong it hurts because I do love him but I have falling out of love for him everything he does for us or we was not for us it was for he and him only. and it's sad when the kids can see it and I know it and they come to me and tell me way daddy doing the things he doing not having an answer for that is what kills me you know.
ReplyDeleteI know because you want to protect them. Sit and have an honest conversation with them about their feelings. Listen to their suggestions. Kids are smarter than we think.
ReplyDeleteyeah I think it's time for another sit down conversation with all three of them again to get their point of view on how things are going its a brand new start of school in this change that has happened I don't want any misunderstanding or miss conceptions of any sort. you know the day I left I actually talk to my youngest son and explain to him what mama was doing and what's going on and he basically just told me that he understands mama he knows he's going to be okay just go and do what I have to do and get myself together and he was going to be alright but he was just tired of going through this. out of the mouths of a babe and he was serious and he hugged me I shed a tear and he was like mama don't cry everything's going to be okay just hold on
ReplyDeleteSEEEEE..... Counseling also helped me... Just another perspective. I'm here as well..... When your children see you better they will be better. :-)
ReplyDelete:) yeah I know and I see that they try so hard to keep their heads up and keeping me proud with your grades jobs. my kids see the potential in me they know what mama can do.
ReplyDeleteNow all you have to do is do it! :-)
ReplyDeleteI am I just have to get a job I haven't worked for a year and 6 months now I had a neck injury last year March the 18th or discovered I had a neck injury and I haven't worked since that day so its hard getting back out here I got my resume going out for jobs and no call backs no emails and thats a downer to but I won't give up hope there's a job out there waiting on me. my goal is to get a job save money and find a place for me and my kids to stay and I'm just going to do just that
ReplyDelete