Knee to Knee

This is a technique that I learned at a retreat. I am going to use the names "Jay" and "Kay" to better help illustrate the technique. (It's ok they are a sweet couple...lol)

1.)  Jay and Kay first need to sit facing each other. Knee to Knee. That way they are always giving eye contact to each other during the conversation.

2.)  Only one person is allowed to speak at a time. With a pen in hand (or any object that you want to use) Kay is allowed to speak. If Jay does not have the pen then Jay can't speak. No talking, even if Jay does not agree with what Kay is saying. Since Kay is holding the pen she needs to take ONE point that she wants to discuss and talk about it. Do not attempt to fit in all of the points you want to make. This technique is about listening and being understood. Kay has to be able to solve her first point before she can move on. Kay is never to raise her voice. There is no need to do that because Jay is sitting right in front of her.

3.)  Once Kay is done speaking the pen is to then be handed to Jay. Jay now needs to REPEAT what Kay said. This way Kay knows that Jay heard her and understood what she was saying. If jay has successfully repeated Kay's point he is then allowed to ask any questions. Again, Jay has to ask one question at a time. When he is done asking his question he then needs to hand Kay the pen so that she may answer the question.

4.)  Once all of the questions are answered. Kay can suggest some solutions that may alleviate the problem. There are times that one of the questions is asking for a solution or the solution itself. Kay and Jay want to make sure that there is a solution that they are going to both work towards to make the relationship better.

5.) After the first topic has been settled it is then Jay's turn to discuss a point that he wants to address. Then you start the technique all over again.

6.) You can do as many times as needed.

I love this technique because there is no yelling and you know that you are being heard. You can also use this technique not only for couples but for friends and and family also. 

I hope this helps because I believe anything can be solved if both people are willing.

E