On your Mark, Get Ready, Set, GO!

Wonderful morning!

 This year is ending and I can look back and say that this has been a wonderful year! I have gotten to do things I thought I might never do. I have tried new things and had so much fun! I have met new wonderful people. I have spent time with people I really care about and that care about me. I have been blessed so many times over there that are times that I feel like it cannot get any better and then it does. My life has been a gift and I am so grateful. I am thankful to you for letting me send you my thoughts each morning. I am happy and I know that 2012 only has more wonderful things in store for me!

 I have the same desires for you. I hope that you are able to look back on this year and see more ups than downs. I want you to be able to look back and realize that you made it through another year. All of the drama and storms you got through it all. I need you to see the strength in that. Everything happens for a reason and I hope that you learned all of the lessons that were given to you.  You are stronger and more prepared for the New Year. So, go head first into the New Year with joy in your heart and a smile on your face!

 Enjoy every moment in your life because you only get one chance at this thing. Try new things and experience everything life has to offer. Realize that pain doesn’t last forever so it’s ok to take a chance on something that may make you happy. Regret is a hard pill to swallow so make it happen! Turn up your faith and focus on all of the good things that are going to happen for you.

 I hope that you have the best New Year ever!

 AND remember when you fill your life with life, love, and laughter everything else will fall in place.

 MAKE IT GREAT!

 See you next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

E

That doesn't fit me..........

I was talking with a friend the other day about the 5 Love Languages. I love this book. It just straight up tells you how to love another person. I was telling her that most people express their own love language towards other people not realizing that may not be the way the other person needs to be loved. I told her that it is not just love. People are always getting upset with others because they do not think like them or perform duties as they would. You have to allow people to express themselves in a way that works best for them. If you see that they have or will miss something then make a suggestion. Do not yell at them telling them that they are wrong. It does not encourage them to try it a different way. A suggestion makes the person better without belittling them. You have to understand that person has made it through life thus far without you so they are capable but with you, they have the ability to be better. You have to observe and understand how they do things and then you will be able to help them in a way they will understand.

I am always telling people that communication is the key. Everything that you do has a meaning and reason behind it. Well the things that others do have a reason behind it also. Find that reason. Attempt to understand why that person has to do things that way and then find a compromise. Forcing your way on another person will only have make them put up a wall blocking your feelings regarding the situation and then continuing to do what they want. Have a knee to knee and come fully loaded with positive options. Always use words like “we” and “us”. It’s not running game it is a team effort because it is not just the other person performing you will be also. Let them be able to give their opinion and come to a compromise that will work for the both of you. You have to communicate in order to gain any understanding. I attempt to keep certain statements out of my communication. “We need to talk” is not something that I say. To me it is like saying “I’m upset and I’m about to explode all over you”. It really does not matter if what you want to say is not important it sounds like it is going to be severe.  I instead will say “I want to be clear about something you said” or “I want to better understand” because it’s saying to the other person that they said something and you want to make sure that you completely comprehended what was said. It is a non-threatening way of saying I do not want to trip so help me please.

I feel that when communication is good between two people anything can be worked out. It’s easier for someone to talk to you about anything when you are open to hearing what he or she has to say. I’m not saying that you are going to agree with everything that someone says. I’m saying that you should be open to listening to what they have to say. Once you have that understanding you will be able to give some helpful advice to help others achieve the goal.

AND remember communication works for those who work at it……

E

The places you will go!

A friend sent me a text with some very inspiring words. Thanks DC!

It seems like every couple of days my phone has a new update that it wants me to install. One of the updates always seems to be for Google Maps. At first, I was thinking there must be something wrong with it if it always wants to change something. In certain parts of my life I am a creature of habit so all this wanting to update makes me give them the serious side eye. After much thought I realized that Google maps has to be updated. There are always new streets, neighborhoods, and highways that are being built. If there are no modifications to the programs then it will not be able to give me direction. There is a chance that it will tell me that where I want to go doesn’t exist. Google Maps has to be able to get me where I need to be and for that to happen sometimes changes need to be made.

Life is like Google Maps. Things are placed in your life and you react to them in a certain way. When things are not the way that you think they should be, you may need to update your navigation. Change something about the way you live. Adjust the way you think about things. There are always new ways to accomplish your goals. Do not sit in self-pity about how things are so wrong in your life. You are the writer of your book of life, not me. So, when you are attempting to force something that just won’t work just stop. Step back and update your system. Find a new way. Stop beating yourself up trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

Always update yourself with information about what you are trying to do. Ask other people if they know anything about what you are trying to accomplish. Update your Google Maps. You are useful and wonderful. You are helpful but sometimes you need to be updated. How can you be effective if everything that you put out is inadequate?

Write down your wants and desires. With each thing on your list write down at least 3 things that you think you have to do in order to reach that goal. Then go to the internet, library, or a person that is knowledgeable in that subject to give you more ideas. Then, once you have updated your system take the first step. Do not rush it. Just work through each step and if something stops you then update your system again to find out how to get around that. Before you know it, you have accomplished you goal.

AND be sure that when you do update make it user friendly. I love a beautiful app. When I open an application and it pops with color, my first thought is “This is going to be a good experience”. Now it may turn out that it doesn’t help me but if I heard there was an upgrade I would try it again. A positive attitude will get you a long way. You can update and be the smartest person in the world but if your attitude is not desirable, no one will care what you know.

You are created in the image of greatness so do not let life beat you up. Make yourself better. Be the person that you desire to be. Update your Navigation.

AND remember live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever!

E

You can't have it!

I’m feeling so awesome today!!!!!!

I am so happy!  *Sprinkles some happy on you*

I am able to stay happy because when someone attempts to steal my JOY I just take it back! It’s my happy so why would I let them have it? I mean are you just going to give someone your car keys and be like have fun? No! So, why are you giving up your happy? You are leaving yourself with nothing. No wonder you are unhappy. Love you. Be a little selfish. You can’t help others until you help yourself.

Stop letting people control your emotions. When someone brings you their negativity, you should always paste on a smile and say that’s fine. “Don’t let others actions dictate your reaction”. You can sort out your feelings later but in front of them, it’s all good. Write down how you feel about what happened and find a solution. Once the solutions is found focus on the good in your life. Focus on how you are so smart and came up with a plan for that situation.

This is your JOY.

I will tell someone in a min you can’t handle my JOY. Be careful because it requires you to be happy at all times. It requires you to be filled with happy. Sometimes you are so full that you feel you are about to bust. My Joy makes you cry. My Joy makes you want to share. My Joy requires you not to worry. My Joy requires you to always be in search of more Joy! My Joy has many requirements so you may want to think about what you are trying to take.

Now I can give you some Joy but I don’t think you are ready for it all.

What doesn’t break you makes you stronger and you should find Joy in the fact that you can’t be broken!

Take it all back!

And remember it’s yours so stop giving it all away!

MAKE IT GREAT!

Why?

Most of you know that I’m a straight shooter and I say what’s on my mind. Now I do not intend to be harsh with my words but the things I am most passionate about can take on the tone that I’m upset. I’m not upset I just may be frustrated at the time.  We all know that the word “Can’t” is not acceptable to say to me. You can tell me that “You don’t know how” or “You don’t want to do it” and I can deal with that. Today I want to briefly discuss people that have a defeatist attitude. I have come across people that only complain about what they don’t have instead of enjoying what they do have at this moment.

Now don’t get me wrong if you need to vent then by all means go ahead and get it out. The problem I have is that there are people that complain and have made no steps to try something different. They have basically given up and hope that things will change on their own. REALLY? Do you attempt to get a job and the first one you don’t get you stop and hope that an opportunity will magically pop up? You have to keep putting yourself out there. That’s how things pop up.

You have been given this wonderful life. You woke up this morning. You are able to read this e-mail. You are able to think about what I’m saying. Just these few things you should feel blessed. You have been blessed with so many things but because you are not where you want to be in life then your life sucks. My questions is what happens when you get to where you want to be and you are still not happy?

Happy comes from inside. Be happy with yourself and where you are right now. Later when you do receive the things that you desire it will just enhance the happy that you already have.

Life can be SUPER AWESOME but you are the one that has to decides that's what you want. Being sad and negative all the time is not going to get you there. No one will want to be around you and no one will think about YOU when opportunities come up. Make goals and then prepare yourself to reach those goals. Take the stress of what you think you are missing off and appreciate life right now.

Also, stop letting others negativity dictate how happy you will be. It amazes me some of the things that people allow others to say to them. I’m in the business of telling you who I am. If you don’t agree that is your opinion. Their opinion is not the be all and end all. People that question my happy, relationship status, future goals, or job will get the stone face. I know who I am and I’m happy. They can’t live my life for me. They can give me great advice but they have no power to change how I feel about me. I’m lucky I don’t have those toxic people in my life. They also never know what will come out of my mouth so that could be another reason…..LOL!

Life is a constant journey of hurdles and obstacles so why would you add mountains and rivers to it. Don’t make your life harder than it has to be. Be Happy! Know that things will not always be like they are right now. You were not where you were 7 years ago. You have come far. Things will only get better from here if you believe.

Make today the first day of all day happiness.

And remember you are the only one that can keep your life from being everything you want it to be.

MAKE IT GREAT!

E

Invisible for the last time

I was talking with some ladies and one of them was talking about how she gave so much to her ex and how he didn’t do the same in return.  They are not together and she is still talking about it like the situation or the man will change.  Wallowing in the pain of it all. Talking about how he held her back and forbade her to interact with family and friends. It was to the point that you just wanted to shake the sh*t out of her. Shake her until she realizes that she is worth so much more. That she is only blocking her blessings by focusing on him and what he didn’t do.  Focusing on how she is a victim and he didn’t love her. The advice I gave her is what I did. I’m not saying that I’m perfect because I’m still learning about things that I have seem to suppress due to the pain that I experienced in the marriage. There are some things that I haven’t had a chance to address because they are situational. My advice to this young lady were things that I did (and am still doing) that have helped me. The reason that I’m saying all of this is because I’m sure that she is not the only one that is going through something like this.  We are women and sometimes we hold on to the emotional baggage as if it’s a cuddly teddy bear or a favorite blanket. 

Begin with prayer. I can honestly say that I begged everyday and not prayed in the beginning. As time went on I knew that everything was going to be ok. How did I know you ask? God allowed me to wake up every morning and I went on with life. Life only stops when you stop.

Go and seek help. Get it all out of your system. Let them ask you some questions and be very honest. I know that you want to vent to your friends and family but not everyone is equipped to help you.  Learn from what happened and make the changes that will make you a better person.

Be with people that love and care about you as you are.  They will give you examples of what true love really is.  After whatever you have been through these people will continue to love you like they always have.

Stop caring what the haters are thinking about you. Your sanity and well-being is so much more important than what they think. You will be better if that’s what you want.  Ignore them.

Lastly, decide how long that you want to stay invisible. The situation that you were in changed you and now all you can do is talk about how you used to be in that relationship.  Decide that you are going to be you and live for you.  It doesn’t matter what that other person could not see in you.  You need to see it and then and only then will you be able to move on with your life.

Below is a song that helped me better understand that even though I may have been hurting that as long as I kept going I would be ok.

“Invisible”

Jennifer Hudson

    

Seems like I’m not here
It’s like I don’t mean nothing
Like glass unclear
Almost like you can see straight through me
I got questions but no answers
So tired of being confused and I
Don’t wanna stay right here and die
Gotta find my wings and fly

Chorus
I gotta find me another way
Cause I don’t wanna stay another day
Time for a change in my mind
I’v opened my eyes I’m changing my life
And now I’m gonna live my life for me
Cause this aint how it’s supposed to be
No more standing in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time

Why can’t you see me
Do I really even matter
You changed me completely
And I remember how it used to be
I got question what’s the lesson
I’m tired of being confused and I’m
I’m gonna take my chance and fly
I’m taking back my life

Chorus

This can’t be it for me
This can’t be all I’m made for
And all my time wasted in this life
It’s my time to shine
No more feeling insufficient
I’m gonna make my own decisions
It don’t matter what you can or cannot see
I’m doing this for me

Chorus

Can you see me
I know you see me
No more stand in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time

If It Don’t Fit, You Must Acquit!

How do you move on if you can’t forgive? How do you forgive when it still hurts? How do you forgive someone that hurt you so bad? I have heard and thought all of these questions at one time or another. I think I have some of the answers now and of course I want to share them with you. Now I’m no doctor or licensed anything but I do have a little common sense so I just tried to be as realistic as possible about it. It’s all baby steps.

We have all been hurt at some point in our lives and yet we still go on. So, my first thought is “What doesn’t kill you means you are still alive”. This means that you have the ability to move on and that’s a good thing to keep in mind when going through something. If you don’t believe me stop reading and think about all of the unpleasant things that you have already gone through. *Waiting* Now notice how you are able to look back on those things? That means that you made it through all of that. If you looked back and you haven’t gone through anything then you might want to check your pulse. So you have the ability to move on now you have to choose to move on.

How do you begin to move on from something that was so devastatingly painful you may ask? Well for me it started with a prayer…… “Lord please guide me and don’t allow bitterness into my heart” Every morning I would pray this exact statement in my morning prayers because I wanted him to fully understand that this is what I desired. Then every time that I got sad about the situation I asked myself would I want to go back? Not back if things were different. Back to the same situation that I left and of course I said “No”. So, then why are you sad? Now that just makes too much sense but it’s so true. If it wasn’t bad then you would not have removed yourself from the situation.  See I’m not saying that you won’t be sad or mad. I’m saying that you have to be the one to pull yourself out of it because only you can.  You also have to realize that GOD sometimes makes things very uncomfortable for you because you are hesitant to move when he needs you to move. So you move but please believe HE has a plan already in place.

I then decided that I needed to surround myself with positive people and people that love me. I didn’t want to focus on the hurt I wanted to slowly replace it with love (joy) again.  Submerge yourself into things that make you happy. Good feelings make the days go by so much easier. There is no need to dwell on the past because trust me it will always be with you. Wrap yourself in love. There’s this thing called unconditional love. Look at your family, friends, wives, husbands, or children and how they show you unconditional love. How love is really suppose to be. How they love you just they way you are flaws and all.

Finally you have to make the conscious decision to not let that event dictate who you are. You are not a failure because that situation didn’t work out. There are so many elements to every situation that it’s never just you. Your part varies depending on what happened. So stop punishing yourself for something that you never had total control over in the first place. Learn from what happened and how it played out. Make yourself a better person so that you will be better in the next event in your life.  Be glad that you have a choice and don’t have to live your life like that. Who you are is just fine as long as you learn and keep striving to be a better person.

I’m saying all of this to say you can’t hold on to all of that hurt. It just doesn’t fit into what GOD has planned for your future. It weighs you down and makes you unapproachable. Don’t carry someone else’s baggage when you have a set of your own.

If it don’t fit, you must acquit!

E

Scared of Lonely

I am a Beyonce fan.  I’m sure that most of you already know this.  She has a song on her “I am……Sasha Fierce” album called “Scared of Lonely”.  It is a song about fighting the lonely that is creeping in on her because her man is not with her.  I LOVE this song.  Not because she is feeling lonely and not because she’s missing a man.  I love this song because to me loneliness is something that we have all have to deal with at one time or another.  We are highly emotional beings and loneliness attempts to creep on in with a man, without a man, and when we are by ourselves for long periods of time…..

As the song goes on it builds and she is really fighting the feeling of loneliness.  Which brings me to what I really want to address and that is Self-Esteem.  SELF-ESTEEM is the confidence, appreciation, and respect that one has for oneself.  I know that you some of you are saying “Ok….I know this already” but I think it is something that we misplace from time to time.  We let life and other people creep in and shuffle what we think about ourselves.  Well now it’s time that we get that part straight and the rest will fall into place.  You are a GEM. You are a wonderful person that deserves only the best.  I know (not think) this because GOD made you in His image. Do you think that God just thinks that He is “ok” so He made us just “ok”? NO, silly He created you in HIS image so that you will be able to see how great you are. God doesn’t make mistakes.  He made you the way that you are for a reason.  Once you realize that you are created for greatness you can exude that greatness to others making a better world with better people.

To begin the process of having a high self-esteem for you is to make a list of the things that you don’t like about you and your life.  Then in another column write all of the things that you do like about you and life.  Take ALL of the negative things and give them to God.  All of the negative feelings, fears, and thoughts give them to HIM and let it go.  This process may not be easy but I PROMISE that this works. Then begin to think about all the things that GOD has placed in your life: The talents that HE has given you; the friends and family that love and respect you; the good qualities that draws people to you.  Once you read that STOP what you are doing and say “THANK YOU GOD”.  You have to thank Him because your life doesn’t have to be as good as it is now.  You literally drive yourself insane with things that can be fixed and not focus on the things that are a positive permanent fixture in your life.  You can start small if you feel this is too hard or hard to believe.  When you wake up give thanks.  Waking up is optional.  There is nothing anywhere that states that you have to wake up every day. You wake up because your job on earth is not done.  Once you are up start praying for the things that you are grateful for.  Then smile. Smile to yourself in the mirror.  Heck, flirt with yourself.  Put on something nice.  Enhance what GOD gave you.  Spray on some perfume.  Pretend that you are going somewhere special.  Once your outfit is complete and you have on your shoes…..Do a small dance. Personally, I do a catwalk down the hallway (I actually do this down any hallway not matter where I am…LOL). It’s not hard. I feel like if you can feel “Extra” when you get ready to out and paint the town red then you can do it just to leave your house PERIOD! Pretend that everywhere you go is like a photo shoot or walking the red carpet.

I didn’t always feel this way about life.  I have always been a tad on the conceited side but there was still a negative air about me.  As most of you know I am going through a divorce. That for me was the ultimate hurt because I loved (and still do) my husband.  I know that we cannot go back to what was but, what I did find out is that I don’t have to be unhappy.  I decided at the beginning of the year that I wanted to be happy every day.  I desire to be happy all day, every day, if possible. Now don’t get me wrong there are some days that are a little harder than others but I put on a smile and ask myself “Why are you really sad?” Then I think of something to be happy about and roll with that.  I have even come to the point where I can be friends with my ex.  I know that we were really good friends before we got married and I missed that. So, because that part was still weighing on me I changed that negative into a positive and ask him to be my friend.  I know that some people may not approve but you know what…..whatever is going to get me to where I’m really suppose to be in life then that’s what I’m doing.  Since I asked him to be my friend I can feel that weight lifting.  I know that it will be some time before it’s all lifted but I’m not going to let past hurts dictate my future. I wake up smile get dresses, sing, dance, catwalk, and do things that make me happy. Now if I can find my happiness going through my storm why can’t you wake up with a smile? Turn your negative into a positive.

To help you on your journey take 2 index cards (you can use colored one for a jazzier effect) and on each card write the quotes below:

“Sometimes GOD places you in an unsavory situation in order to get you on the right path”

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to DANCE in the rain”

Once you have done that tape them to your bathroom mirror, at work, or wherever you spend a lot of time. Read it every day for motivation to start your day off in a positive way or to get back on track.

(Thanks Athena!)

Being positive brings nothing but positive things in return.  Don’t get me wrong people and things in life will try you daily but if you keep your cool and focus on the positive side of life then nothing but happiness will come your way.  I’m mainly writing this because I want to “1” pass on the happiness that I’m feeling and “2” I really want you all to be happy and I know that it is attainable.

Once you get use to the new you (because it takes a min) then you have to no longer fear lonely.

E

If you build it..... It will come!

True happiness should start from within. You should be grooming the type of person that knows all external happiness is just extras. When you build a good foundation of happiness in your heart, the pains of life are not so devastating. It may hurt but you understand that it’s a moment and that it won’t always feel like this. This is where you will have to walk by FAITH and not by sight. You can’t believe that the pain the you see and feel is how it will always be. We get wrapped up in the feeling at that moment that it seems like the pain will never go away. It will but you have to believe it. You have to redirect your actions. You have to move on and plan something else. Get into something else. Spend time doing things that will bring you JOY. They more you submerge yourself in happiness you will begin to feel less pain. You have to move. Life is not going to change without your help. If you put forth the effort things will change. If you don’t believe me just try it? What do you have to lose? Unhappiness? Well you didn’t want that anyway. Right?

Spend the rest of your life saying positive things to yourself. Nobody can uplift you like you can. Spend more time with your loved ones. People that love you no matter what. Their positive vibes will add to the work that you are already putting in. You are so much more than the negative things that occur during a lifetime so there is no time to sit and reflect on negative things that are not worth your time. Be Strong. Smile more. Get that boomerang effect going. Put out positive and get positive things back.

Hope that your day is filled with positive self-encouragement.

AND remember you are in control of your happiness therefore; you have the power to change anything about your life that you want to change. So, what are you waiting for?     

MAKE IT GREAT!

E

8 Ways to Ease Your Worries

By Salley Shannon

We know Mama was right when she said, "Money can't make you happy." But we also know financial worries can shake us up. As we wait for the economy to turn around, is there anyone who isn’t feeling anxious? If you’ve been laid off and there’s no job in sight, you may feel like life is whirling further out of control with every hoarded dollar you spend.

But that “so-scared-I-can’t-breathe” feeling doesn’t have to take over. You can stop it by deliberately tuning out fear and turning up the volume on other things like love, faith and community. Focusing on life’s positives can help you feel grounded.

“We tamp down fear by noticing the blessings and opportunities the economy has handed us,” says the Most Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori, the first female presiding bishop of the Episcopal Church. “Having less money for eating out can result in healthier meals eaten with family, and more time to build and strengthen relationships.” Being aware that there are others who are worse off may spur you to volunteer.

Here’s another thing: A financial challenge such as an impending foreclosure, a layoff, a house worth less than the mortgage, is just a problem to get through. How we deal with that problem may shape us for good or ill, but the fact that it happened to us says nothing—we’re the same people we were before.

Even in the depths of the Great Depression, when 1 American in 3 was out of work and there were breadlines everywhere, people still managed to fall in love, play with their children, sing along with the radio, enjoy life. A lesson we can learn from those times is that there are always pockets of joy, and many ways to foster inner peace.

1. Accept that troubles are part of life. With all the focus on celebrity lifestyles during the past decade or so, “it’s almost as if we’ve been told life is supposed to be perfect all the time, and something is wrong with us if it isn’t,” says Victoria Moran, author of Living a Charmed Life. “That’s not true!”

Sometimes you just happen to be the person whose car runs over a nail in the road, and you end up with a flat tire. You didn’t do anything to deserve it. Being careful won’t eliminate every last chance of picking up a nail. Neither will being nice and working hard on your driving skills.

In the same way, you aren’t any more unlucky than anyone else if the economic slowdown is creating new difficulties for you. The answer to “Why me?” is “Why not me?” When you keep reminding yourself that life has its ups and downs, you’re better able to “change your default setting,” as Moran puts it. “All of a sudden, ‘Everyone’s healthy, and we’re safe and content, even now,’ becomes as good as ‘Rich and getting richer,’” she says.

2. Don’t obsess over the news. Molly Peter, a real estate agent and mother of four in Bethesda, Maryland, never watches the news anymore. “It’s surprising how much more positive I feel every day,” she says. Instead, she listens to music or an audiobook while in the car or cooking.

This technique is OK to use as long as you’re not in denial about the upheavals going on, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a University of California, Riverside, professor of psychology and author of The How of Happiness. Of course you want to stay informed—just don’t let it overwhelm you. “Your life will be happier if you focus on affirming things,” rather than things that depress you, says Dr. Lyubomirsky.

3. Reach out to friends. The way you cut fear down to size, says Rev. Dr. Forrest Church, author of 25 books including Freedom from Fear, is to avoid the urge to isolate yourself when trouble hits. It’s crucial to be with people, and by “people,” he means more than your immediate family and the dog.But that’s not what most of us tend to do. When we get laid off, we feel singled out and helpless. We may be furious, bitter or sad. Most certainly, we feel embarrassed. So we hunker down and hide.

“You can’t let yourself do that,” Dr. Church says. “When you do, you get into a conversation with your fear, and it builds.” You may even start blaming yourself. “One neighbor at a time, one friend at a time, break out of your isolation every day,” he says. “When we start engaging with other people, we find ways around that wall that’s in front of us, solutions and ideas we might not have seen by ourselves.”

4. Cultivate gratitude, now more than ever. You may be eating more rice and beans these days, but if there’s food on the table, that’s a blessing. You can be grateful that your son is learning to read, for your health, for the neighbor who waved as she mowed her lawn.

In a 2002 study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania, researcher and psychology professor Martin Seligman, PhD, asked severely depressed people to go to a website once a day, before they went to bed, and write down three good things that had happened that day and why. (These were people who were so depressed that just getting out of bed might be worthy of the list.) Listing three good things daily was their only treatment. Within 15 days, 94% felt less depressed.

The study has been repeated several times since. Every time, researchers found that being thankful actually made the subjects feel happier.

“Saying thank you is powerful,” says Rabbi Julie Schonfeld, who recently became the first woman to become executive vice president of the Rabbinical Assembly, representing Conservative Jewish rabbis worldwide. “It turns us from a mindset of lack to a mindset of gratitude for the good things in our lives.”

5. Decide not to worry. Studies have found that some people worry 10 times more than other people do, although their life circumstances may not be much different from those of people who hardly worry at all. Not surprisingly, the champion worriers were more likely to report being unhappy than those who worried less. Some people are predisposed to worry more than others, says Boston College psychologist Maya Tamir, PhD, but we do have some control over it, meaning we can choose whether to worry or not. Deciding not to worry is not the same as pretending everything is fine. By all means, be practical. But once you’ve made a plan for “what if I get laid off,” don’t continue to fret about it in your head or talk about it to others, advises Dr. Lyubomirsky.

6. This goes for dwelling, too. Dwelling, or replaying a stressful event over and over in your head, can keep you stuck. Dr. Lyubomirsky has documented the negative effects of dwelling. Psychologists call this rumination, and there are tricks to stopping it, she says. One is to see whether you have any worry triggers and to distract yourself when you begin to ruminate.

Try different tactics until you can turn off worry the way you change a TV channel. Solitary exercise may not help unless you work out so hard you don’t think about other things. “I used to go for a run when I found myself ruminating,” reports Dr. Lyubomirsky. “Well, running made me do it more!” Good bets: reading to a child or watching a funny movie.

Another trick she finds effective: Make a worry appointment with yourself. Plan to worry from 9 to 9:30 a.m., for example, and if you find you’re worrying at any other time during the day, tell yourself to put it on hold. Silly, maybe—but it works, Dr. Lyubomirsky says.

7. Work at staying upbeat. In her latest book, Dr. Lyubomirsky makes an interesting point: A growing body of research shows that our sense of well-being is about 50% dependent on a happiness setpoint. This factor is genetic, much like a weight setpoint. Of the rest, only about 10% is circumstantial: big income or small, married or single, gorgeous or plain. “What’s exciting is that the other 40% percent is under our control,” she says. “It depends on our daily, intentional activities.” Even something as simple as smiling can lift your spirits. “Staying positive is really important, right down to the effect it has on your immune system,” Dr. Lyubomirsky says.

8. Take part in your faith. Worship offers transformative power of its own because it “takes us out of ourselves,” says Rabbi Schonfeld. A faith community can feel like a supportive extended family. Going to the church or synagogue during the week to meet friends or volunteer our time can be a mission when we have no job to go to daily or we don’t know what to do next. And there are a lot of opportunities to help with service and outreach projects.

“Miraculous things can happen when we join hands to help one another,” says Rabbi Schonfeld. “It isn’t just the good works, though they are important. Working together also relieves our fear and anxiety, and gives us a new surge of energy.” Another benefit: We can’t shelter our children, especially our older children, from the troubles related to the present economy. “But we can let them see us acting with a sense of faith and purpose,” which shows them that we’re able to cope, says Rabbi Schonfeld.

Maybe you just flat-out know you need help. If you haven’t been involved with a church before, turning up when you need groceries or you just got a pink slip can feel embarrassing, even hypocritical. Do it anyway, suggests Rev. Jefferts Schori. “Many times we change our lives for the good, or begin a spiritual journey, when we’re feeling the most down and vulnerable,” she says.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/8-ways-to-ease-your-worries-512307/

If I was you I would leave you!

I find myself telling people this all of the time lately….. I’m joking but there is a point that goes with this joke. When you treat yourself so poorly why would you want to stay with yourself. When you treat others better than you treat yourself you are wrong……

While talking to someone I told them that they have to get rid of those negatives thoughts and replace them with positive ones because it’s those thoughts that have them making the rash decisions that they make and therefore they end up with something or someone that doesn’t make them happy.

How can you ever expect to be happy with someone if all you keep doing is inviting men that are not equally yoked?

You are so afraid that things will not happen for you that you find yourself clinging on to little boys that are not worthy of the superwoman that you are. I mean think about it. You meet a man and you want to show him that you are the woman that he would want to be with. You give him all that you have to give. You make sure that he understands how you feel about him. Because he doesn’t have the necessary tools he cannot give you the things you need in return. You find yourself really sad because you have given all that you have trying to make it work. You find yourself not understanding why he can’t give you what you need in return because you have given him so much of you.

HE DOESN’T HAVE IT TO GIVE!!!!!!!!!

If you give a crackhead a million dollars there is a going chance that he is going to mess it up because he doesn’t have the tools or knowledge on how to properly handle a million dollars……

That is the same thing you are doing giving certain men a prize they can’t handle. Then you wonder why it doesn’t work out. You should stand tall and proud loving you and all that you are capable of giving someone and make them work for it. I’m not saying be mean or play games. I mean let them court you. Go out on a couple of dates and see if you like them. See if they are worthy of your time. Heck they are doing the same to you so why won’t you do the same.

Don’t rush because please believe that you were already special to him when you gave him your number. You were a DIME from the jump! You think he wanted to talk to you because you have an awesome job, or several degrees? He doesn’t even know that much yet. He saw your smile and the way that you carried yourself and he was sold!  So take your time…..

Before you know it you will be months down the line and still interested because you have weeded out all of the thorns and gotten to the rose.

Someone asked me how will you will you know if they are the “One” and I said you taking it one day at a time will never end…. It will just keep going.

First you have to love you…..

E

How to Relieve Sadness

Michelle Blessing started her professional writing career in 2010. She has experience in child development, parenting, social relationships and mental health, enhanced by her job experience as a clinical therapist and parent educator. Blessing's work has appeared in various online publications. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in sociology from Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania.

By Michelle Blessing, eHow Contributor

updated May 16, 2011

Sadness can bring your whole life down.

Sadness can feel like a dark cloud hanging over your head and dampen every action in your life. You might move more slowly, feel tired and sluggish, refuse to eat or interact with people. Sadness is a normal emotional response to stressful or tragic events in your life, such as receiving bad news at work or learning of the death of a family member or close friend. You can use various strategies to help relieve sadness and get your life back on track.

Instructions

1.  Acknowledge the event that created or led up to the feeling of sadness. You need to deal with the event so you can begin to overcome the emotion. Pretending it didn't happen or believing it will just go away on its own will perpetuate the feelings of sadness in your life and keep you from healing.

 2.  Talk to people about the event that created sadness in your life. A trusted friend or family member can be a valuable ally and offer an objective opinion during this trying period of your life. You may not need this person to say a word; just having someone to listen to you vent is sometimes enough to relieve your negative emotions.

3. Channel your sadness into written words by keeping a journal of your emotions. Write down how you are feeling every day and why you think you are feeling this way. Note how you dealt with your sadness and whether or not the coping mechanism worked. You can reread your journal during other periods of your life to remember how you handled these dark feelings.

4. Spend time with friends, read a good book or exercise -- engaging in activities that promote happiness can help you move past feelings of sadness.

5. Repeat this phrase every day until you feel better: "This too shall pass." Knowing that sadness is a natural but temporary response to a negative event will help you work through the feeling and get back to a more positive state of mind.

Read more:  http://www.ehow.com/how_8430939_relieve-sadness.html#ixzz1WQU6brxH

Knee to Knee

This is a technique that I learned at a retreat. I am going to use the names "Jay" and "Kay" to better help illustrate the technique. (It's ok they are a sweet couple...lol)

1.)  Jay and Kay first need to sit facing each other. Knee to Knee. That way they are always giving eye contact to each other during the conversation.

2.)  Only one person is allowed to speak at a time. With a pen in hand (or any object that you want to use) Kay is allowed to speak. If Jay does not have the pen then Jay can't speak. No talking, even if Jay does not agree with what Kay is saying. Since Kay is holding the pen she needs to take ONE point that she wants to discuss and talk about it. Do not attempt to fit in all of the points you want to make. This technique is about listening and being understood. Kay has to be able to solve her first point before she can move on. Kay is never to raise her voice. There is no need to do that because Jay is sitting right in front of her.

3.)  Once Kay is done speaking the pen is to then be handed to Jay. Jay now needs to REPEAT what Kay said. This way Kay knows that Jay heard her and understood what she was saying. If jay has successfully repeated Kay's point he is then allowed to ask any questions. Again, Jay has to ask one question at a time. When he is done asking his question he then needs to hand Kay the pen so that she may answer the question.

4.)  Once all of the questions are answered. Kay can suggest some solutions that may alleviate the problem. There are times that one of the questions is asking for a solution or the solution itself. Kay and Jay want to make sure that there is a solution that they are going to both work towards to make the relationship better.

5.) After the first topic has been settled it is then Jay's turn to discuss a point that he wants to address. Then you start the technique all over again.

6.) You can do as many times as needed.

I love this technique because there is no yelling and you know that you are being heard. You can also use this technique not only for couples but for friends and and family also. 

I hope this helps because I believe anything can be solved if both people are willing.

E

Starting over again.....

Sometimes in the game of love you have to start again. Maybe you have reached a point in your relationship that you feel that you can’t get any higher and this may be it. This is your opportunity to take a step back and look at yourself. Take some time to write down some thoughts. What are you doing that is causing this friction in your relationship. What small changes can you make to help breakdown the ceiling that your relationship has come in contact with? Once you have figured that out you need to evaluate the things that you enjoy about your partner. What is it that made you fall in love or like in the first place? Take all of this information and have a knee to knee with your partner. Don’t go in with the “You do this” and “You don’t do that”. Shower them with the things that you adore about them. Then tell them some of the changes that you can make to help make this relationship work. Then give them the opportunity do the same for you. Starting over does not always mean that you need to end your relationship it can simply mean that you have to revisit the things that brought you together. If you find that you are not able to get your partner to work on the relationship and you have to start over you need to revisit who you were before the relationship and see what changed in you. I find that if you really love someone you will change for them. You want to see them happy so a little change here and there won’t hurt. After a while you find that you are not the same person and neither of you like the new you. You cannot compromise who you are. Your partner chose you because of who you are so if you change what makes you think that they will continue to like you? Compromise on budget, what night is best for “Date night”, and  vacations. Continue to work on being a better person but do not change all of you for someone else. Staring over is not always bad it just means that you get another chance to get it right!

E

In the Midst of it All.....

My favorite gospel song has to be Yolanda Adams “In the Midst of it all”. I want my blog to reflect exactly what this song is saying. No matter what is happening in my life I’m being kept in the midst of it all. When I feel lost, scared, hurt, sad, or nervous I just need to remind myself that although it seems like I’m going through it I’m still standing.

When times are going well for you this is the time that you need to be building up your Faith. Don’t go into your storm unprepared. You are a strong person and you need to be believe that. Know that you can endure it all. When you have this engrained in your heart and mind it’s easier to hang on in that storm. It’s already in you to be a solider for your life. Your parents have instilled it in you one way or another. Every positive or negative thing you have seen is a guide on what and what not to do. The enemy wins because you believe the things that they are telling you and not believing in what you already know. When you are at your lowest you are the only person that can build you up. Have Faith in you. You are in the storm and standing there getting wet so what are you going to do? Stand there? No! You find shelter. You find an umbrella. You find someone to help you. It’s all on YOU! You are already in the storm so step out on Faith…… You have never fallen before so why so hesitant this time? There will always be someone or something there to catch you. Your storm is your time to shine. This is your time to show that storm, haters, depression, and sadness that you are more than a conqueror!!!! You are stronger than even you have realized.

Build up your Faith. Storms happen everyday and the better prepared you are the easier it will be to get through ANYTHING!

Believe in you. You are the most important thing in your life. Take care of you and then you can help others.

You are in the midst of it all right now….and look, you are still standing.

Love you all,

E