Invisible for the last time

I was talking with some ladies and one of them was talking about how she gave so much to her ex and how he didn’t do the same in return.  They are not together and she is still talking about it like the situation or the man will change.  Wallowing in the pain of it all. Talking about how he held her back and forbade her to interact with family and friends. It was to the point that you just wanted to shake the sh*t out of her. Shake her until she realizes that she is worth so much more. That she is only blocking her blessings by focusing on him and what he didn’t do.  Focusing on how she is a victim and he didn’t love her. The advice I gave her is what I did. I’m not saying that I’m perfect because I’m still learning about things that I have seem to suppress due to the pain that I experienced in the marriage. There are some things that I haven’t had a chance to address because they are situational. My advice to this young lady were things that I did (and am still doing) that have helped me. The reason that I’m saying all of this is because I’m sure that she is not the only one that is going through something like this.  We are women and sometimes we hold on to the emotional baggage as if it’s a cuddly teddy bear or a favorite blanket. 

Begin with prayer. I can honestly say that I begged everyday and not prayed in the beginning. As time went on I knew that everything was going to be ok. How did I know you ask? God allowed me to wake up every morning and I went on with life. Life only stops when you stop.

Go and seek help. Get it all out of your system. Let them ask you some questions and be very honest. I know that you want to vent to your friends and family but not everyone is equipped to help you.  Learn from what happened and make the changes that will make you a better person.

Be with people that love and care about you as you are.  They will give you examples of what true love really is.  After whatever you have been through these people will continue to love you like they always have.

Stop caring what the haters are thinking about you. Your sanity and well-being is so much more important than what they think. You will be better if that’s what you want.  Ignore them.

Lastly, decide how long that you want to stay invisible. The situation that you were in changed you and now all you can do is talk about how you used to be in that relationship.  Decide that you are going to be you and live for you.  It doesn’t matter what that other person could not see in you.  You need to see it and then and only then will you be able to move on with your life.

Below is a song that helped me better understand that even though I may have been hurting that as long as I kept going I would be ok.

“Invisible”

Jennifer Hudson

    

Seems like I’m not here
It’s like I don’t mean nothing
Like glass unclear
Almost like you can see straight through me
I got questions but no answers
So tired of being confused and I
Don’t wanna stay right here and die
Gotta find my wings and fly

Chorus
I gotta find me another way
Cause I don’t wanna stay another day
Time for a change in my mind
I’v opened my eyes I’m changing my life
And now I’m gonna live my life for me
Cause this aint how it’s supposed to be
No more standing in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time

Why can’t you see me
Do I really even matter
You changed me completely
And I remember how it used to be
I got question what’s the lesson
I’m tired of being confused and I’m
I’m gonna take my chance and fly
I’m taking back my life

Chorus

This can’t be it for me
This can’t be all I’m made for
And all my time wasted in this life
It’s my time to shine
No more feeling insufficient
I’m gonna make my own decisions
It don’t matter what you can or cannot see
I’m doing this for me

Chorus

Can you see me
I know you see me
No more stand in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time