That doesn't fit me..........

I was talking with a friend the other day about the 5 Love Languages. I love this book. It just straight up tells you how to love another person. I was telling her that most people express their own love language towards other people not realizing that may not be the way the other person needs to be loved. I told her that it is not just love. People are always getting upset with others because they do not think like them or perform duties as they would. You have to allow people to express themselves in a way that works best for them. If you see that they have or will miss something then make a suggestion. Do not yell at them telling them that they are wrong. It does not encourage them to try it a different way. A suggestion makes the person better without belittling them. You have to understand that person has made it through life thus far without you so they are capable but with you, they have the ability to be better. You have to observe and understand how they do things and then you will be able to help them in a way they will understand.

I am always telling people that communication is the key. Everything that you do has a meaning and reason behind it. Well the things that others do have a reason behind it also. Find that reason. Attempt to understand why that person has to do things that way and then find a compromise. Forcing your way on another person will only have make them put up a wall blocking your feelings regarding the situation and then continuing to do what they want. Have a knee to knee and come fully loaded with positive options. Always use words like “we” and “us”. It’s not running game it is a team effort because it is not just the other person performing you will be also. Let them be able to give their opinion and come to a compromise that will work for the both of you. You have to communicate in order to gain any understanding. I attempt to keep certain statements out of my communication. “We need to talk” is not something that I say. To me it is like saying “I’m upset and I’m about to explode all over you”. It really does not matter if what you want to say is not important it sounds like it is going to be severe.  I instead will say “I want to be clear about something you said” or “I want to better understand” because it’s saying to the other person that they said something and you want to make sure that you completely comprehended what was said. It is a non-threatening way of saying I do not want to trip so help me please.

I feel that when communication is good between two people anything can be worked out. It’s easier for someone to talk to you about anything when you are open to hearing what he or she has to say. I’m not saying that you are going to agree with everything that someone says. I’m saying that you should be open to listening to what they have to say. Once you have that understanding you will be able to give some helpful advice to help others achieve the goal.

AND remember communication works for those who work at it……

E