If It Don’t Fit, You Must Acquit!

How do you move on if you can’t forgive? How do you forgive when it still hurts? How do you forgive someone that hurt you so bad? I have heard and thought all of these questions at one time or another. I think I have some of the answers now and of course I want to share them with you. Now I’m no doctor or licensed anything but I do have a little common sense so I just tried to be as realistic as possible about it. It’s all baby steps.

We have all been hurt at some point in our lives and yet we still go on. So, my first thought is “What doesn’t kill you means you are still alive”. This means that you have the ability to move on and that’s a good thing to keep in mind when going through something. If you don’t believe me stop reading and think about all of the unpleasant things that you have already gone through. *Waiting* Now notice how you are able to look back on those things? That means that you made it through all of that. If you looked back and you haven’t gone through anything then you might want to check your pulse. So you have the ability to move on now you have to choose to move on.

How do you begin to move on from something that was so devastatingly painful you may ask? Well for me it started with a prayer…… “Lord please guide me and don’t allow bitterness into my heart” Every morning I would pray this exact statement in my morning prayers because I wanted him to fully understand that this is what I desired. Then every time that I got sad about the situation I asked myself would I want to go back? Not back if things were different. Back to the same situation that I left and of course I said “No”. So, then why are you sad? Now that just makes too much sense but it’s so true. If it wasn’t bad then you would not have removed yourself from the situation.  See I’m not saying that you won’t be sad or mad. I’m saying that you have to be the one to pull yourself out of it because only you can.  You also have to realize that GOD sometimes makes things very uncomfortable for you because you are hesitant to move when he needs you to move. So you move but please believe HE has a plan already in place.

I then decided that I needed to surround myself with positive people and people that love me. I didn’t want to focus on the hurt I wanted to slowly replace it with love (joy) again.  Submerge yourself into things that make you happy. Good feelings make the days go by so much easier. There is no need to dwell on the past because trust me it will always be with you. Wrap yourself in love. There’s this thing called unconditional love. Look at your family, friends, wives, husbands, or children and how they show you unconditional love. How love is really suppose to be. How they love you just they way you are flaws and all.

Finally you have to make the conscious decision to not let that event dictate who you are. You are not a failure because that situation didn’t work out. There are so many elements to every situation that it’s never just you. Your part varies depending on what happened. So stop punishing yourself for something that you never had total control over in the first place. Learn from what happened and how it played out. Make yourself a better person so that you will be better in the next event in your life.  Be glad that you have a choice and don’t have to live your life like that. Who you are is just fine as long as you learn and keep striving to be a better person.

I’m saying all of this to say you can’t hold on to all of that hurt. It just doesn’t fit into what GOD has planned for your future. It weighs you down and makes you unapproachable. Don’t carry someone else’s baggage when you have a set of your own.

If it don’t fit, you must acquit!

E

Scared of Lonely

I am a Beyonce fan.  I’m sure that most of you already know this.  She has a song on her “I am……Sasha Fierce” album called “Scared of Lonely”.  It is a song about fighting the lonely that is creeping in on her because her man is not with her.  I LOVE this song.  Not because she is feeling lonely and not because she’s missing a man.  I love this song because to me loneliness is something that we have all have to deal with at one time or another.  We are highly emotional beings and loneliness attempts to creep on in with a man, without a man, and when we are by ourselves for long periods of time…..

As the song goes on it builds and she is really fighting the feeling of loneliness.  Which brings me to what I really want to address and that is Self-Esteem.  SELF-ESTEEM is the confidence, appreciation, and respect that one has for oneself.  I know that you some of you are saying “Ok….I know this already” but I think it is something that we misplace from time to time.  We let life and other people creep in and shuffle what we think about ourselves.  Well now it’s time that we get that part straight and the rest will fall into place.  You are a GEM. You are a wonderful person that deserves only the best.  I know (not think) this because GOD made you in His image. Do you think that God just thinks that He is “ok” so He made us just “ok”? NO, silly He created you in HIS image so that you will be able to see how great you are. God doesn’t make mistakes.  He made you the way that you are for a reason.  Once you realize that you are created for greatness you can exude that greatness to others making a better world with better people.

To begin the process of having a high self-esteem for you is to make a list of the things that you don’t like about you and your life.  Then in another column write all of the things that you do like about you and life.  Take ALL of the negative things and give them to God.  All of the negative feelings, fears, and thoughts give them to HIM and let it go.  This process may not be easy but I PROMISE that this works. Then begin to think about all the things that GOD has placed in your life: The talents that HE has given you; the friends and family that love and respect you; the good qualities that draws people to you.  Once you read that STOP what you are doing and say “THANK YOU GOD”.  You have to thank Him because your life doesn’t have to be as good as it is now.  You literally drive yourself insane with things that can be fixed and not focus on the things that are a positive permanent fixture in your life.  You can start small if you feel this is too hard or hard to believe.  When you wake up give thanks.  Waking up is optional.  There is nothing anywhere that states that you have to wake up every day. You wake up because your job on earth is not done.  Once you are up start praying for the things that you are grateful for.  Then smile. Smile to yourself in the mirror.  Heck, flirt with yourself.  Put on something nice.  Enhance what GOD gave you.  Spray on some perfume.  Pretend that you are going somewhere special.  Once your outfit is complete and you have on your shoes…..Do a small dance. Personally, I do a catwalk down the hallway (I actually do this down any hallway not matter where I am…LOL). It’s not hard. I feel like if you can feel “Extra” when you get ready to out and paint the town red then you can do it just to leave your house PERIOD! Pretend that everywhere you go is like a photo shoot or walking the red carpet.

I didn’t always feel this way about life.  I have always been a tad on the conceited side but there was still a negative air about me.  As most of you know I am going through a divorce. That for me was the ultimate hurt because I loved (and still do) my husband.  I know that we cannot go back to what was but, what I did find out is that I don’t have to be unhappy.  I decided at the beginning of the year that I wanted to be happy every day.  I desire to be happy all day, every day, if possible. Now don’t get me wrong there are some days that are a little harder than others but I put on a smile and ask myself “Why are you really sad?” Then I think of something to be happy about and roll with that.  I have even come to the point where I can be friends with my ex.  I know that we were really good friends before we got married and I missed that. So, because that part was still weighing on me I changed that negative into a positive and ask him to be my friend.  I know that some people may not approve but you know what…..whatever is going to get me to where I’m really suppose to be in life then that’s what I’m doing.  Since I asked him to be my friend I can feel that weight lifting.  I know that it will be some time before it’s all lifted but I’m not going to let past hurts dictate my future. I wake up smile get dresses, sing, dance, catwalk, and do things that make me happy. Now if I can find my happiness going through my storm why can’t you wake up with a smile? Turn your negative into a positive.

To help you on your journey take 2 index cards (you can use colored one for a jazzier effect) and on each card write the quotes below:

“Sometimes GOD places you in an unsavory situation in order to get you on the right path”

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to DANCE in the rain”

Once you have done that tape them to your bathroom mirror, at work, or wherever you spend a lot of time. Read it every day for motivation to start your day off in a positive way or to get back on track.

(Thanks Athena!)

Being positive brings nothing but positive things in return.  Don’t get me wrong people and things in life will try you daily but if you keep your cool and focus on the positive side of life then nothing but happiness will come your way.  I’m mainly writing this because I want to “1” pass on the happiness that I’m feeling and “2” I really want you all to be happy and I know that it is attainable.

Once you get use to the new you (because it takes a min) then you have to no longer fear lonely.

E

If you build it..... It will come!

True happiness should start from within. You should be grooming the type of person that knows all external happiness is just extras. When you build a good foundation of happiness in your heart, the pains of life are not so devastating. It may hurt but you understand that it’s a moment and that it won’t always feel like this. This is where you will have to walk by FAITH and not by sight. You can’t believe that the pain the you see and feel is how it will always be. We get wrapped up in the feeling at that moment that it seems like the pain will never go away. It will but you have to believe it. You have to redirect your actions. You have to move on and plan something else. Get into something else. Spend time doing things that will bring you JOY. They more you submerge yourself in happiness you will begin to feel less pain. You have to move. Life is not going to change without your help. If you put forth the effort things will change. If you don’t believe me just try it? What do you have to lose? Unhappiness? Well you didn’t want that anyway. Right?

Spend the rest of your life saying positive things to yourself. Nobody can uplift you like you can. Spend more time with your loved ones. People that love you no matter what. Their positive vibes will add to the work that you are already putting in. You are so much more than the negative things that occur during a lifetime so there is no time to sit and reflect on negative things that are not worth your time. Be Strong. Smile more. Get that boomerang effect going. Put out positive and get positive things back.

Hope that your day is filled with positive self-encouragement.

AND remember you are in control of your happiness therefore; you have the power to change anything about your life that you want to change. So, what are you waiting for?     

MAKE IT GREAT!

E

8 Ways to Ease Your Worries

By Salley Shannon

We know Mama was right when she said, "Money can't make you happy." But we also know financial worries can shake us up. As we wait for the economy to turn around, is there anyone who isn’t feeling anxious? If you’ve been laid off and there’s no job in sight, you may feel like life is whirling further out of control with every hoarded dollar you spend.

But that “so-scared-I-can’t-breathe” feeling doesn’t have to take over. You can stop it by deliberately tuning out fear and turning up the volume on other things like love, faith and community. Focusing on life’s positives can help you feel grounded.

“We tamp down fear by noticing the blessings and opportunities the economy has handed us,” says the Most Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori, the first female presiding bishop of the Episcopal Church. “Having less money for eating out can result in healthier meals eaten with family, and more time to build and strengthen relationships.” Being aware that there are others who are worse off may spur you to volunteer.

Here’s another thing: A financial challenge such as an impending foreclosure, a layoff, a house worth less than the mortgage, is just a problem to get through. How we deal with that problem may shape us for good or ill, but the fact that it happened to us says nothing—we’re the same people we were before.

Even in the depths of the Great Depression, when 1 American in 3 was out of work and there were breadlines everywhere, people still managed to fall in love, play with their children, sing along with the radio, enjoy life. A lesson we can learn from those times is that there are always pockets of joy, and many ways to foster inner peace.

1. Accept that troubles are part of life. With all the focus on celebrity lifestyles during the past decade or so, “it’s almost as if we’ve been told life is supposed to be perfect all the time, and something is wrong with us if it isn’t,” says Victoria Moran, author of Living a Charmed Life. “That’s not true!”

Sometimes you just happen to be the person whose car runs over a nail in the road, and you end up with a flat tire. You didn’t do anything to deserve it. Being careful won’t eliminate every last chance of picking up a nail. Neither will being nice and working hard on your driving skills.

In the same way, you aren’t any more unlucky than anyone else if the economic slowdown is creating new difficulties for you. The answer to “Why me?” is “Why not me?” When you keep reminding yourself that life has its ups and downs, you’re better able to “change your default setting,” as Moran puts it. “All of a sudden, ‘Everyone’s healthy, and we’re safe and content, even now,’ becomes as good as ‘Rich and getting richer,’” she says.

2. Don’t obsess over the news. Molly Peter, a real estate agent and mother of four in Bethesda, Maryland, never watches the news anymore. “It’s surprising how much more positive I feel every day,” she says. Instead, she listens to music or an audiobook while in the car or cooking.

This technique is OK to use as long as you’re not in denial about the upheavals going on, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a University of California, Riverside, professor of psychology and author of The How of Happiness. Of course you want to stay informed—just don’t let it overwhelm you. “Your life will be happier if you focus on affirming things,” rather than things that depress you, says Dr. Lyubomirsky.

3. Reach out to friends. The way you cut fear down to size, says Rev. Dr. Forrest Church, author of 25 books including Freedom from Fear, is to avoid the urge to isolate yourself when trouble hits. It’s crucial to be with people, and by “people,” he means more than your immediate family and the dog.But that’s not what most of us tend to do. When we get laid off, we feel singled out and helpless. We may be furious, bitter or sad. Most certainly, we feel embarrassed. So we hunker down and hide.

“You can’t let yourself do that,” Dr. Church says. “When you do, you get into a conversation with your fear, and it builds.” You may even start blaming yourself. “One neighbor at a time, one friend at a time, break out of your isolation every day,” he says. “When we start engaging with other people, we find ways around that wall that’s in front of us, solutions and ideas we might not have seen by ourselves.”

4. Cultivate gratitude, now more than ever. You may be eating more rice and beans these days, but if there’s food on the table, that’s a blessing. You can be grateful that your son is learning to read, for your health, for the neighbor who waved as she mowed her lawn.

In a 2002 study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania, researcher and psychology professor Martin Seligman, PhD, asked severely depressed people to go to a website once a day, before they went to bed, and write down three good things that had happened that day and why. (These were people who were so depressed that just getting out of bed might be worthy of the list.) Listing three good things daily was their only treatment. Within 15 days, 94% felt less depressed.

The study has been repeated several times since. Every time, researchers found that being thankful actually made the subjects feel happier.

“Saying thank you is powerful,” says Rabbi Julie Schonfeld, who recently became the first woman to become executive vice president of the Rabbinical Assembly, representing Conservative Jewish rabbis worldwide. “It turns us from a mindset of lack to a mindset of gratitude for the good things in our lives.”

5. Decide not to worry. Studies have found that some people worry 10 times more than other people do, although their life circumstances may not be much different from those of people who hardly worry at all. Not surprisingly, the champion worriers were more likely to report being unhappy than those who worried less. Some people are predisposed to worry more than others, says Boston College psychologist Maya Tamir, PhD, but we do have some control over it, meaning we can choose whether to worry or not. Deciding not to worry is not the same as pretending everything is fine. By all means, be practical. But once you’ve made a plan for “what if I get laid off,” don’t continue to fret about it in your head or talk about it to others, advises Dr. Lyubomirsky.

6. This goes for dwelling, too. Dwelling, or replaying a stressful event over and over in your head, can keep you stuck. Dr. Lyubomirsky has documented the negative effects of dwelling. Psychologists call this rumination, and there are tricks to stopping it, she says. One is to see whether you have any worry triggers and to distract yourself when you begin to ruminate.

Try different tactics until you can turn off worry the way you change a TV channel. Solitary exercise may not help unless you work out so hard you don’t think about other things. “I used to go for a run when I found myself ruminating,” reports Dr. Lyubomirsky. “Well, running made me do it more!” Good bets: reading to a child or watching a funny movie.

Another trick she finds effective: Make a worry appointment with yourself. Plan to worry from 9 to 9:30 a.m., for example, and if you find you’re worrying at any other time during the day, tell yourself to put it on hold. Silly, maybe—but it works, Dr. Lyubomirsky says.

7. Work at staying upbeat. In her latest book, Dr. Lyubomirsky makes an interesting point: A growing body of research shows that our sense of well-being is about 50% dependent on a happiness setpoint. This factor is genetic, much like a weight setpoint. Of the rest, only about 10% is circumstantial: big income or small, married or single, gorgeous or plain. “What’s exciting is that the other 40% percent is under our control,” she says. “It depends on our daily, intentional activities.” Even something as simple as smiling can lift your spirits. “Staying positive is really important, right down to the effect it has on your immune system,” Dr. Lyubomirsky says.

8. Take part in your faith. Worship offers transformative power of its own because it “takes us out of ourselves,” says Rabbi Schonfeld. A faith community can feel like a supportive extended family. Going to the church or synagogue during the week to meet friends or volunteer our time can be a mission when we have no job to go to daily or we don’t know what to do next. And there are a lot of opportunities to help with service and outreach projects.

“Miraculous things can happen when we join hands to help one another,” says Rabbi Schonfeld. “It isn’t just the good works, though they are important. Working together also relieves our fear and anxiety, and gives us a new surge of energy.” Another benefit: We can’t shelter our children, especially our older children, from the troubles related to the present economy. “But we can let them see us acting with a sense of faith and purpose,” which shows them that we’re able to cope, says Rabbi Schonfeld.

Maybe you just flat-out know you need help. If you haven’t been involved with a church before, turning up when you need groceries or you just got a pink slip can feel embarrassing, even hypocritical. Do it anyway, suggests Rev. Jefferts Schori. “Many times we change our lives for the good, or begin a spiritual journey, when we’re feeling the most down and vulnerable,” she says.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/8-ways-to-ease-your-worries-512307/

If I was you I would leave you!

I find myself telling people this all of the time lately….. I’m joking but there is a point that goes with this joke. When you treat yourself so poorly why would you want to stay with yourself. When you treat others better than you treat yourself you are wrong……

While talking to someone I told them that they have to get rid of those negatives thoughts and replace them with positive ones because it’s those thoughts that have them making the rash decisions that they make and therefore they end up with something or someone that doesn’t make them happy.

How can you ever expect to be happy with someone if all you keep doing is inviting men that are not equally yoked?

You are so afraid that things will not happen for you that you find yourself clinging on to little boys that are not worthy of the superwoman that you are. I mean think about it. You meet a man and you want to show him that you are the woman that he would want to be with. You give him all that you have to give. You make sure that he understands how you feel about him. Because he doesn’t have the necessary tools he cannot give you the things you need in return. You find yourself really sad because you have given all that you have trying to make it work. You find yourself not understanding why he can’t give you what you need in return because you have given him so much of you.

HE DOESN’T HAVE IT TO GIVE!!!!!!!!!

If you give a crackhead a million dollars there is a going chance that he is going to mess it up because he doesn’t have the tools or knowledge on how to properly handle a million dollars……

That is the same thing you are doing giving certain men a prize they can’t handle. Then you wonder why it doesn’t work out. You should stand tall and proud loving you and all that you are capable of giving someone and make them work for it. I’m not saying be mean or play games. I mean let them court you. Go out on a couple of dates and see if you like them. See if they are worthy of your time. Heck they are doing the same to you so why won’t you do the same.

Don’t rush because please believe that you were already special to him when you gave him your number. You were a DIME from the jump! You think he wanted to talk to you because you have an awesome job, or several degrees? He doesn’t even know that much yet. He saw your smile and the way that you carried yourself and he was sold!  So take your time…..

Before you know it you will be months down the line and still interested because you have weeded out all of the thorns and gotten to the rose.

Someone asked me how will you will you know if they are the “One” and I said you taking it one day at a time will never end…. It will just keep going.

First you have to love you…..

E

How to Relieve Sadness

Michelle Blessing started her professional writing career in 2010. She has experience in child development, parenting, social relationships and mental health, enhanced by her job experience as a clinical therapist and parent educator. Blessing's work has appeared in various online publications. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in sociology from Bloomsburg University of Pennsylvania.

By Michelle Blessing, eHow Contributor

updated May 16, 2011

Sadness can bring your whole life down.

Sadness can feel like a dark cloud hanging over your head and dampen every action in your life. You might move more slowly, feel tired and sluggish, refuse to eat or interact with people. Sadness is a normal emotional response to stressful or tragic events in your life, such as receiving bad news at work or learning of the death of a family member or close friend. You can use various strategies to help relieve sadness and get your life back on track.

Instructions

1.  Acknowledge the event that created or led up to the feeling of sadness. You need to deal with the event so you can begin to overcome the emotion. Pretending it didn't happen or believing it will just go away on its own will perpetuate the feelings of sadness in your life and keep you from healing.

 2.  Talk to people about the event that created sadness in your life. A trusted friend or family member can be a valuable ally and offer an objective opinion during this trying period of your life. You may not need this person to say a word; just having someone to listen to you vent is sometimes enough to relieve your negative emotions.

3. Channel your sadness into written words by keeping a journal of your emotions. Write down how you are feeling every day and why you think you are feeling this way. Note how you dealt with your sadness and whether or not the coping mechanism worked. You can reread your journal during other periods of your life to remember how you handled these dark feelings.

4. Spend time with friends, read a good book or exercise -- engaging in activities that promote happiness can help you move past feelings of sadness.

5. Repeat this phrase every day until you feel better: "This too shall pass." Knowing that sadness is a natural but temporary response to a negative event will help you work through the feeling and get back to a more positive state of mind.

Read more:  http://www.ehow.com/how_8430939_relieve-sadness.html#ixzz1WQU6brxH

Knee to Knee

This is a technique that I learned at a retreat. I am going to use the names "Jay" and "Kay" to better help illustrate the technique. (It's ok they are a sweet couple...lol)

1.)  Jay and Kay first need to sit facing each other. Knee to Knee. That way they are always giving eye contact to each other during the conversation.

2.)  Only one person is allowed to speak at a time. With a pen in hand (or any object that you want to use) Kay is allowed to speak. If Jay does not have the pen then Jay can't speak. No talking, even if Jay does not agree with what Kay is saying. Since Kay is holding the pen she needs to take ONE point that she wants to discuss and talk about it. Do not attempt to fit in all of the points you want to make. This technique is about listening and being understood. Kay has to be able to solve her first point before she can move on. Kay is never to raise her voice. There is no need to do that because Jay is sitting right in front of her.

3.)  Once Kay is done speaking the pen is to then be handed to Jay. Jay now needs to REPEAT what Kay said. This way Kay knows that Jay heard her and understood what she was saying. If jay has successfully repeated Kay's point he is then allowed to ask any questions. Again, Jay has to ask one question at a time. When he is done asking his question he then needs to hand Kay the pen so that she may answer the question.

4.)  Once all of the questions are answered. Kay can suggest some solutions that may alleviate the problem. There are times that one of the questions is asking for a solution or the solution itself. Kay and Jay want to make sure that there is a solution that they are going to both work towards to make the relationship better.

5.) After the first topic has been settled it is then Jay's turn to discuss a point that he wants to address. Then you start the technique all over again.

6.) You can do as many times as needed.

I love this technique because there is no yelling and you know that you are being heard. You can also use this technique not only for couples but for friends and and family also. 

I hope this helps because I believe anything can be solved if both people are willing.

E